September 14, 2006 – Weekly Movie Round-Up

by Andy Nordvall

The Covenant – Why is it always the male models who get the super-powers to protect the world from an ancient evil?  I bet if you powered up some geeky-looking guys, they’d get the job done without getting distracted by that hot girl with a dark secret in her past.

Hollywoodland – You know, there are a lot of people who’d be plenty happy to play Superman on TV, but not Mr. Big Shot George Reeves.  Oh no, if he doesn’t get to be a serious film actor, he’ll just die!  And he does.

The Protector – If kickin’ ass and lovin’ elephants is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Crank – Jason Statham will die if he doesn’t keep his adrenaline pumping, a premise that would make a majority of Hollywood action films a lot more plausible.  Most of the LETHAL WEAPON films, for example, except for part 3.  That film was a mess!

The Wicker Man – A freak accident causes Nicholas Cage to emote uncontrollably.  So he’s quarantined on a island with a bunch of other people who can’t stop over-acting.  Hilarity ensues.

Idiocracy – A brilliant of savage satire of corporate America, which for some reason is not being promoted by the Fox News Corporation.

Scientists discover new breed of hermanphridite fish living in the Potemkin River

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(photo: New Potemkin resident Eddie Murphy with new friend)