Big News Report 4.29.07

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Big News clip from “No Waiting”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AXOK7d0YF0]

Here are some highlights from Big News’ appearance in Marc Warzecha’s “No Waiting” show last Saturday, featuring Phillip Wilburn, Michael Hughes, George Caleodis and Tammie Smalls, performing the Big News sketches “McCain’s Summer Vacation” by Bryan DeGuire, and “Take Two” (aka the American Idol sketch) by Richard Baldwin

Big News clip from “No Waiting”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AXOK7d0YF0]

Here are some highlights from Big News’ appearance in Marc Warzecha’s “No Waiting” show last Saturday, featuring Phillip Wilburn, Michael Hughes, George Caleodis and Tammie Smalls, performing the Big News sketches “McCain’s Summer Vacation” by Bryan DeGuire, and “Take Two” (aka the American Idol sketch) by Richard Baldwin

Big News Report 4.22.07

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-FQAQT5CZc]

The Meaning of 4-20

Supposedly, the whole “420 thing” dates back to 1971 when some high school stoners in San Raphael used the code to arrange a 4:20pm meet after school, behind a statue, to get high. On pot.

That’s right 420=pot for those of you who aren’t hip. Pot also equals short term memory loss (and fun -.ed), so the Big News Report can only speculate as to what exactly Alberto Gonzalez was inhaling (besides helium) before failing pathetically to defend his credibility in front of a Senate panel this week, weathering constant bi-partisan abuse for his habit of strategically forgetting things.

As a NYT editorial noted: Mr. Gonzales came across as a dull-witted apparatchik incapable of running one of the most important departments in the executive branch.

My computer’s spell check had never heard of an apparatchik either. It’s Russian.

Earlier in the week, a protester who was seated behind the erstwhile head of the United States Justice Department (and George W. Bush’s “pal” from Texas), unfurled a pink homemade poster of a thought bubble that said, “I have nothing to hide … except the truth”, which would have worked brilliantly had she been able to snag a seat closer to the Gonze. No worries though, the Big News Photoshop team was able to fix the original New York Times photo and put things into better perspective, as it were.

Gonzolez thinking

Maybe Alberto just needs to be more like John McCain and tell everyone stepping up to “get a life!” That’s some straight talk there from your old senile vet grandpa for any of damn critics complaining about his bomb Iran joke. What next, is he going to claim credit and sue Brian Wilson?

Today, a NASA contract worker took a handgun inside an office building at the Johnson Space Center in Houston and fatally shot a hostage before killing himself. Today also marks the anniversary of the Columbine massacre and the deadliest day in the Kosovo bombing campaign. Also it’s Hitler’s birthday. Add the Virginia Tech tragedy (the same day over 200 die in Baghdad) and the Oklahoma City bombing anniversary and you have yourself there a pretty historically crappy week. And there are even more events along those lines, but I’m too weary to type it all.

On a lighter side: Alec Baldwin’s 11-year old daughter Ireland is - according to the 49-year old actor - a “rude, thoughtless little pig.” Also, her name is Ireland. Happy birthday to both Crispin “I can kick” Glover, who turns 43 today, and Joey “Whoa!” Lawrence who is 31.

Special Big News Appearance Saturday

This weekend you’ll have two opportunities to catch some of that crazy ‘Big News’ action. Besides the super-awesome weekly Sunday show (which this week is shaping up to be something special indeed), we’ll be doing a couple of sketches in “No Waiting with Marc Warzecha” at IO Saturday the 21st at 11. Marc’s show is somewhat like Real Time with Bill Maher, with both sketches and a panel discussion, except there’s a full bar and it’s much funnier.

Regis’ Ticker Blows Up on NBC.COM (AGAIN!)

Part 2 of Phillip Wilburn’s continuing Regis Philbin saga is being featured on dotcomedy.com. Gelman!

Regis’ Ticker Blows Up on NBC.COM (AGAIN!)

Part 2 of Phillip Wilburn’s continuing Regis Philbin saga is being featured on dotcomedy.com. Gelman!

Big News Report April 15, 2007

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQiNRxFlTo0]

What’s Wrong With Police Brutality?

I keep hearing these stories coming out of Russia about how the Russian police are beating up demonstrators and jailing them.

I say what’s the big deal?

Let this be a lesson to those whiny Russian hippies; If you don’t want to get cudgeled and hauled away in busses by the police, don’t protest the government en masse! I mean is that so hard a lesson to learn? Stop protesting your rights being taken away and they will stop beating you up. This is simple capitalism at it’s finest, supply and demand. You all demand to be brutalised, and the police are happy to supply you with the whuppin’ you need. Those who dissent need a knock on the head to clear up their thinking.

And don’t think that just because you agree with the government that you are off the hook. Cause now the police are chasing and clubbing people who appear at pro-government rallys as well. So pick a side, either way you will take a billy club up the bum.

I ask the question again though, what is wrong with the police beating people they don’t like? If it wasn’t for this type of decisive action by men of power, we would never have broken off from England and become a free country!

In conclusion we are at a time of war, don’t do drugs, and 9/11, thank you.

-Ray
www.almightyray.com