Big News Report (Blue Collar ed.) 070107

Big News Report (Blue Collar ed.) 070107

iPhone Tutorial with George Bush and Alec Baldwin

Everyone wants an iPhone, but no one knows how to use it.  These videos will help you learn how and show you some of the features Alec Baldwin and President Bush find useful.  Phillip Wilburn brings you celebrity blogs each week on NBC’s  Dotcomedy.

(if you missed it check out Phillip and special guest star Rachael Drummond as the Clintons)

iPhone youPhone weallPhone…

FOR iPHONE!!!

I am so super excited about the new iPhone I just couldn’t contain my excitement any more.  I’ve already paid an illegal immigrant to do the job that I don’t want to do (Wait in line for my iPhone) and so I am ready to go!  I can’t wait to get my iPhone right out of the box and take it home like a puppy.

600 bucks?  No problem, for all the amazing things it can do!  Sure I could get a decent laptop computer for less that would do everything the iPhone does 10 times better, but then what would make me on the cutting edge of technology?

So I can’t wait to get my iPhone home, and turn it on.  I have already made a list of things I am going to do with it.

1) Make a phone call to Mom to tell her I got an iPhone
2) Send an E-mail to everyone I know to brag about having an iPhone,  I mean, I want to be sure I am the first to brag!
3) Browse the internet, checking out the Big News Report, www.ALMIGHTYRAY.com,  and eventually trolling for porn.
4) Make a phone call to Dad to make sure he also knows I have an iPhone in case Mom didn’t tell him already.
5) Upload all my polka favorites and Styx mp3s to the iPhone.
6)  Listen to an amazing mp3 of ‘Come Sail Away.
7) Leave home for a public place like a subway terminal or Subway restaurant to make sure people will see me listening to ‘Come Sail Away’ on my new iPhone. 8) Sing along to ‘Come Sail Away’ just to make sure people know what I am doing and that I am doing it on an iPhone.
9) Find the best directions to my house from the place where I am at, just to make sure I’ve been efficient in my travels so far.
10) Rub my iPhone all up and down my body, to feel close to it.

At least that’s the list I have started, I expect it to grow to at least 346 by the time I actually get my iPhone.   I am on the cusp of technology.  I am cool.  You wish you were me.

Hooray for the iPhone!!!

-Ray
www.almightyray.com

Big News Report June 17, 2007

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dm2M4j9fHXQ]

Eleven Alternate Ways David Chase Almost Ended “The Sopranos”

1. Tony and Carmela move to Westport, Connecticut and bring along wacky landlords Fred and Ethel.

2. Tony finds the one-armed man who actually killed Billy Leotardo.

3. Everyone goes home after a truce is called in the war with Phil’s family. Paulie spells out “Goodbye” in the sand with miniature heads of Ralph Cifaretto.

4. The entire series was a fantasy of an autistic A.J. Who is no different from the A.J. seen in the previous eighty-five episodes.

5. Tony tells a customer “Sorry, we’re closed!” and turns out the lights in the Bada Bing. The cast shows up on Leno drunk out of their minds.

6. A voiceover by Carmela reveals that Tony actually died from Junior’s gunshot, and that everything depicted since then was just part of a book Carmela was writing.

7. After getting together and then being on a break “for good,” Finn and Meadow get back together and move to Paris. Christopher and Adriana adopt twins and move to Westchester. Dr. Melfi gets her own spinoff series set in L.A. It bombs.

8. Carmela has lunch with Rosalie Aprile, Charmaine Bucco, and Ginny Sac, and tells them she’s chosen Furio. We see on her cell phone that Furio’s real name is “John.”

9. Tony, Paulie, Silvio and Janice are “ironically” convicted of a minor crime; their conversation in their cell is “ironically” identical to dialogue from the first episode.

10. John from Cincinnati stops by the Soprano household and spends an hour telling the family all the exciting things he’ll be doing for, oh, the next four or five years.

11. Tony wakes up from dreaming the whole series and finds himself in bed with Suzanne Pleshette. And a horse’s head.

Eleven Alternate Ways David Chase Almost Ended “The Sopranos”

1. Tony and Carmela move to Westport, Connecticut and bring along wacky landlords Fred and Ethel.

2. Tony finds the one-armed man who actually killed Billy Leotardo.

3. Everyone goes home after a truce is called in the war with Phil’s family. Paulie spells out “Goodbye” in the sand with miniature heads of Ralph Cifaretto.

4. The entire series was a fantasy of an autistic A.J. Who is no different from the A.J. seen in the previous eighty-five episodes.

5. Tony tells a customer “Sorry, we’re closed!” and turns out the lights in the Bada Bing. The cast shows up on Leno drunk out of their minds.

6. A voiceover by Carmela reveals that Tony actually died from Junior’s gunshot, and that everything depicted since then was just part of a book Carmela was writing.

7. After getting together and then being on a break “for good,” Finn and Meadow get back together and move to Paris. Christopher and Adriana adopt twins and move to Westchester. Dr. Melfi gets her own spinoff series set in L.A. It bombs.

8. Carmela has lunch with Rosalie Aprile, Charmaine Bucco, and Ginny Sac, and tells them she’s chosen Furio. We see on her cell phone that Furio’s real name is “John.”

9. Tony, Paulie, Silvio and Janice are “ironically” convicted of a minor crime; their conversation in their cell is “ironically” identical to dialogue from the first episode.

10. John from Cincinnati stops by the Soprano household and spends an hour telling the family all the exciting things he’ll be doing for, oh, the next four or five years.

11. Tony wakes up from dreaming the whole series and finds himself in bed with Suzanne Pleshette. And a horse’s head.

Big News Report June 10, 2007

[youtube =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDh7sD30xm8]

McCartney Barista Torture

Sir PaulWhen he isn’t busy beating his ex-wife over the head with her prosthetic leg or stabbing her with a broken wine bottle, it seems Sir Paul is torturing Starbucks baristas en masse via piped-in satellite radio. The new McCartney album, Memory Almost Full, is being sold exclusively at Starbucks Coffee and in order for them to move a lot of units (to help pay Heather Mills’ dancing lessons) they have the CD on a continuous loop in all their stores. Yes, it’s annoying when going in for a quick Cafe Americana, but how about 8-9 hours of it? Or a double? Too horrifying to imagine? Well this Starbucks Gossip blog might give you an idea.

Memory almost full?

More like I wish I didn’t have a memory of my 9 hour shift. We were keeping a tally of the number of times the CD looped, but I lost count around 7. Not a single person bought the CD, by the way.

Posted by: kzoobarista | Jun 5, 2007 2:20:43 PM

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVdpIZEtwBs]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVdpIZEtwBs]