Big News Report (Blue Collar ed.) 093007

caleodisbc1tn.jpgDems hate taxpayers,
Clinton loves Bricklayers,
Chinese coffee drinkers, say yer prayers!
Check out this week’s Big News Report, Blue Collar edition:

Big News Report (Blue Collar ed.) 093007

I Believe The Children Are The Problem

OK, despite uplifting words from a crackhead, I don’t believe the children are our future. I believe that they are our problem.

A wise man once said that ‘Children are criminals who just haven’t been caught yet.’ And when I say a wise man, I mean me.

Kids run around ragged, unsupervised, drinking your Faygo, and breaking your coolest toys. When you catch them in the act, they will lie their little butts off and cry until you’re more annoyed than angry, that’s how they win. Come to think of it, they sound alot like dating in LA, am I right?

Where was I again? Oh yes, the children. Now that we as a culture have stopped beating them, they continue to spiral out of control. Were you aware that 100% of all people currently waiting on death row were once children themselves? Not just that, but a staggering 100% of teen pregnancies are caused by unwanted children showing up and ruining the fun for everyone else! (more…)

Big News Report for Sunday, September 23, 2007

The Senate voted on Thursday to condemn an advertisement by MoveOn.org that accuses the top military commander in Iraq of betrayal. The Senate will follow up next week with a vote to condemn an advertisement by Lions Gate Films that accuses “Good Luck Chuck” of being funny.

Civil rights groups marched on Thursday in Jena, Louisiana to support six black teenagers charged with attempted murder. The news came as a shock to President Bush, who was unaware that there were any black people left in Louisiana after Katrina.

On Monday, police used a taser on a University of Florida student after he rushed the microphone to shout questions during a speech by Senator John Kerry. The arrest caused such a commotion, the rest of the audience almost woke up. (more…)

The Insider: OJ Simpson Exclusive

The INSIDER goes inside the hotel room where the alleged robbery involving O.J. Simpson took place. Exclusive never before seen video.

Big News Report (Blue Collar ed.) 092307

caleodisbc1tn.jpgTaser, Vader, Cronkite and Spears - “Big News” been performin’ for damned near 5 years!
Check out this week’s Big News Report, Blue Collar edition:

Big News Report (Blue Collar ed.) 092307

Obama on the Run

Although not affiliated with Big News, this vid combines trenchant political commentary with our love of show tunes. Enjoy.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKe1gUgX5do]

I Have a Note For Hikers

Let me just start by saying that once again I am very disappointed in humanity.

First off, why do all these hikers wind up getting themselves missing? How hard is it to stay on the trails in these parks? I assume that by going all Robert Frost off the beaten path you think pretty highly of your own navigation skills. Oh look at me, I’m Ranger Rick, I don’t have to follow the trails, I got a compass and a flashlight so I will never be lost again. Then after like 20 minutes, OOPS you’re just another missing camper. Dumbass.
(more…)

Big News Report for Sunday, September 16, 2007

O.J. Simpson was arrested Sunday in connection with an armed robbery of a Vegas hotel room where sports memorabilia relating to his career was being sold. In his defense, Simpson claims he was merely retrieving items stolen from him while he was busy murdering his wife.

General David Petraeus told Congress Monday that he envisions the withdrawal of 30,000 U.S. troops from Iraq by next summer. He added, however, that the withdrawal will only occur after a springtime troop surge of eleventy-billion.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice says a long process will be required to stabilize Iraq. The good news is, the process will be much shorter than the one needed to stabilize Britney Spears.

Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign headquarters was broken into last week. Robbers made off with a television, eight laptop computers, and three of Romney’s wives.
(more…)

Countdown with Keith Olbermann Won’t Leave General Petraeus Alone

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpdSnRIioRU]

#2 Leave Him Alone!! Oddly enough, if the President’s mo-jo were measured as sternly as that of Britney Spears, his poll numbers might be lower than they already are. Ever since Hurricane Katrina un-masked the administration’s incompetence, there have been rumors of a comeback. But other than a slight blip in the approval numbers this week…no comeback has been forthcoming. And the stage on which the President’s act is played out, involves realities so harsh that many people can no longer bear to watch. So in our number two story on the Countdown, the genius of juxtaposition. First, the reminder of that Britney Spears fan… regarding Ms. Spears performance at MTV’s “Video Music Awards”.

-Keith Olbermann MSNBC

Countdown with Keith Olbermann Won’t Leave General Petraeus Alone

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpdSnRIioRU]

#2 Leave Him Alone!! Oddly enough, if the President’s mo-jo were measured as sternly as that of Britney Spears, his poll numbers might be lower than they already are. Ever since Hurricane Katrina un-masked the administration’s incompetence, there have been rumors of a comeback. But other than a slight blip in the approval numbers this week…no comeback has been forthcoming. And the stage on which the President’s act is played out, involves realities so harsh that many people can no longer bear to watch. So in our number two story on the Countdown, the genius of juxtaposition. First, the reminder of that Britney Spears fan… regarding Ms. Spears performance at MTV’s “Video Music Awards”.

-Keith Olbermann MSNBC