Posted by almightyray on October 31st, 2007
If you are like me and I know you wish you were, you’re currently scrounging to come up with a last minute costume idea for that special party you are planning on attending tonight. And by party I mean sitting on your friend’s front porch with a can of PBR passing out candy to the kids while your friends all sit back and eat the pizza…bastards.
But anyways i figure you’re lazy and have not come up with even a remotely thoughtful costume for the event. I’m here to help. Here are 5 ideas.
5) Kobe Bryant
All you have to do is wear the jersey of a team not called the Lakers and put duct tape over the name on the back. He’ll probably be playing on that team soon anyways. Just make sure everyone boos you when you walk in the door to get the maximum effect!
4) John McCain
This costume is easy, just don’t show up to the party and tell everyone afterwards that you were ‘campaigning’.
3) Modern Day Pirate
Pirates still exist my friend, and back in the day pirates used to wear whatever clothes they could find/steal. So just go deep into your closet and pull out that old REO Speedwagon concert shirt and a pair of boot cut jeans. Add in a fireplace poker or wine key for a weapon and you are ready to attack ships off the cost of Africa!
2) Chinese Toy Maker
Easy enough. Paint a shoebox metallic and write the word ‘Lead’ on the side. Bring any toy made by Mattel to complete the picture. Hey this might even be the perfect chance to show off that lame kanji tattoo you got in ‘97 that supposedly says ‘Friendship’, but probably says ‘This gaijin licks unicorn butt’.
1) A Straight Family Values Republican
I mean hey, it’s only slightly less believable than a vampire right?
Alright, hope this list helps. Happy haunting all!