Posted by Phillip Wilburn on May 30th, 2008
Where Hard News Meets Hollywood
All of us at Big News are saddened by the passing Thursday of TV comedy legend Harvey Korman. Saddened…and a little concerned.
You see, just about every week, we end the show with a joke about someone who passed away during the previous seven days. And we closed our show last Sunday with the following joke:
“And finally, Dr. Harvey Karmen, the inventor of a device that made abortions safer and easier, has died of a stroke at the age of eighty-four. Harvey Karmen was best known for cracking up during surgery due to the hilarious antics of his colleague, Dr. Tim Conway.”
And four days later, Mr. Korman passes away.
Now, we’re not claiming we have any special powers to determine what celebrities live and which ones die. It’s merely a coincidence, born out of the need to have a closing joke and a one-letter difference in names.
Still, it’s one thing to make a joke about someone who dies the week after they die; it’s another thing altogether to make a joke about someone dying the week before they die. We take our responsibility as comic satirists seriously; from here in on, we’ll do so even more, knowing that our jokes may hold the key to the fates of notable men and women.
Anyway, thanks, Harvey Korman for all the laughs - we’re so glad we had this time together. We’ll think of you every time one of us breaks during a sketch. That way, we won’t have to think about Jimmy Fallon.
Doctors announced Tuesday that Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy has been diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. Doctors plan to combat the tumor by placing it inside Kennedy’s indestructible liver.
In a 7 to 2 decision on Monday, the Supreme Court upheld a law that sets a mandatory five year prison term for promoting child pornography. The justices felt strongly that child pornography does not need to be promoted, because it pretty much sells itself.
To offset rising fuel prices, American Airlines has announced they will begin charging fifteen dollars for checking a traveler’s first bag. They will charge thirty dollars to get that bag to the correct destination. (more…)
The Big News this week - Hillary Clinton mentioned Robert Kennedy’s 1968 campaign as an example to stay in the race for the Democratic presidential candidacy. We here at Big News enjoy Clinton’s persistence, as it is the comedic foot-in-the-mouth that keeps giving. To salute Clinton, Big News wants to keep giving as well, so here’s a group of bonus jokes! To join us in our salute to Teddy Kennedy, come on down to IOWest on Sunday night at 10 pm to catch Big News, and tip a few cocktails with the rest of the audience.
Barack Obama will stand in for Senator Ted Kennedy in a commencement speech at Wesleyan University. However, Obama plans to keep the spirit of Kennedy’s speech alive by starting the day with 15 mimosas.
Hillary Clinton rocks it out….one last (?) time. And thus, the “Queen” continues her reign.
Written by Mirage Thrams with Susan Deming
Starring: Susan Deming as Hillary Clinton, Phillip Wilburn as Bill Clinton and John McCain, Jason Kelley as Barack Obama, and Michael Hughes, Gregg Lopez and Ray Stakenas as the Rock Gods
Senator Ted Kennedy was rushed to the hospital Saturday morning after suffering a seizure. Doctors realized Kennedy would be fine after he asked that his IV be served on the rocks.
On Monday, Hillary Clinton compared her campaign to John F. Kennedy’s 1960 campaign in West Virginia. Experts corrected the Senator, noting that her campaign was more like John F. Kennedy’s 1963 car ride in Dallas.
Former congressman Bob Barr announced his candidacy for President this week as a Libertarian who would rein in federal spending and foreign wars. He declined to comment on how he would be able to do that without getting any votes. (more…)
The Big News this week was the California Supreme Court overturning the ban on same sex marriage. While it doesn’t have a personal effect, no matter what my mom says, I think it is a cool moment in the state’s history. Mom, yes, I just mentioned you and no, I’m not going to write here about not having a girlfriend. Leave me alone. I’m writing. Mom, that’s a picture I just found on the internet. I just came across it and they look like a happy couple. No, I didn’t do a search for “sexy shirtless men.” Mom, Mom, MOM. Oh forget it. No, I’m not mad at you. Yes, I still want you to come and check out Big News at the IOWest on Sunday night at 10 pm. I said it didn’t I? Just read the bonus jokes.
On Thursday, the California Supreme Court overturned the state’s ban on same sex marriage. Protestors are upset at the decision, in fears that homosexuals will soon be ruining the sanctity of divorce.
The Senate, in a direct challenge to President Bush, voted Tuesday to temporarily halt the shipment of thousands of barrels of oil a day into the government’s emergency reserve.
Sounds like a great idea - more supply would help to lower prices. I love the Senate! Boo Bush!
“We are buying the most expensive crude oil in the history of the world and storing it,” said Sen. Byron Dorgan, D-N.D. “When American consumers are burning at the stake by high energy prices, the government ought not be carrying the wood.”
That metaphor burns at the retinas of my eyes and Byron Dorgan carried the super laser. Scratch “love” and substitute “really like”.