Straight Talk on McCain’s VP

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My Vagina is So Confused!

I just read today that McCain picked Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin to be his VP running mate in this upcoming election. Originally I wanted Hillary to win but she was beaten by Obama so now I just don’t know what to do! Do I vote for a penis (hisssss) that shares the same ideals as me? Or do I vote for a vagina that is anti-gay, anti-abortion, and pro teaching Creationism in schools? Life is so confusing!!! Maybe I’ll just go bake a pie and not worry my pretty little head about any of this. Good idea. Nice try McCain. Just picking a woman as a running mate is not going to make me vote for you. The fact that you even think that it makes a difference is insulting.

- Julia Gaudette

(www.iamrad.tumblr.com)

How To Deal With Overpopulation

Well, it’s election season once again. Time once again for politicians from California to Kansas to complain and moan about how many illegal aliens there are in this country. This comes down to one root issue I believe, and that issue is overpopulation.

Here is how we all, in one easy step, can both combat the problem of overpopulation and make this country a better place;

Stop looking for all those missing kids.

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Big News Report for the Week Ending Sunday, August 25, 2008

On Thursday John McCain was unable to answer a reporter’s question about how many houses he and wife Cindy own. McCain later pointed out that he could not answer because he could not lift his hands high enough to count on his fingers.

The U.S. and Iraq have reached a deal for the U.S. to pull out its troops by June. If John McCain is elected, June 2030.

Facing impeachment charges, Pervez Musharraf resigned as president of Pakistan on Monday. Musharraf elected to resign because none of his countrymen had the decency to assassinate him. (more…)

We Are IO!


Del Close Awards 2008: We Are iO from Del Close Awards on Vimeo.

After the car crashed into the iO the club pulled together, and on Friday at the Del Close Awards the performers pulled together to show we are back!

A clip from the Del Close Awards written by Matt Manser and Phillip Wilburn  Produced by Phillip Wilburn.

The Golden Boy’s Insatiable Appetite

by Emese Simm

It’s official. Swimming phenom, Michael Phelps has set new records in Olympic history with his eighth gold medal in the Beijing Games. His appetite for winning has been fueled unlike any athlete you’ve seen before.

To keep his body from self-cannibalizing he must consume meganomous quantities of food. After all, Phelps burns more calories by sitting and picking his nose than the average person does climbing the Stairmaster™. It explains why his daily intake could feed half of China for three days straight.

But is this appetite truly insatiable? Witnesses say, “indeed.”

One tourist claims he saw Phelps snacking on a big rig parked at a truck stop. “It’s absolutely disgusting what that guy can eat,” recounted the man.

Another witness, a teacher’s aide, accused Phelps of plucking three Chinese children from the school playground. “They were swallowed whole and he didn’t even chew. Jin, Su and Ni Pow were not very athletic kids. So no one will miss them much,” confessed our source.

An hour later, Phelps was caught devouring an entire tour bus visiting the Great Wall. He then went to town on a nearby souvenir stand where no Mao Tse-Tung wall plate was left un-nibbled. To confirm that the plates had truly hit the spot, Chinese locals recall hearing a “belch that could rival a dragon in heat.” Bootleg DVD footage of that particular event is now available online for a nominal price. When asked to comment on his unusual appetite, the Olympic eight-peat gold gobbling glutton was unavailable. His publicist told us he was out to lunch.

 

Big News Report for the Week Ending Sunday, August 17, 2008

On Friday, President Bush accused Russia of bullying and intimidation in its conflict with the former Soviet republic of Georgia. Citing US policy in the Middle East, Bush also accused Russia of being a copy-cat.

Barack Obama will reveal his choice of a running mate to his supporters via text message. Meanwhile, John McCain will reveal his choice via Pony Express.

The latest issue of Rolling Stone features a cover article by Michael Moore entitled, “How the Democrats Could Still Lose.” The number one way the Democrats could still lose: listening to Michael Moore. (more…)

Big News Is Back Sunday, August 17 - with “The Office”’s Brent Forrester!!

It’s been nearly two months since an errant SUV decided to park in the iO West bar. At long last, iO West reopens this Friday, August 15, and on Sunday, August 17, Big News returns live on stage!!

And joining us for our first show back is one of our favorite special guests, the Emmy-Award-winning writer-producer of “The Office,” Brent Forrester!! Brent’s credits also include “The Simpsons” (remember “Lemon of Troy” and “Homerpalooza”? Brent wrote them) “Mr. Show” (he co-wrote “The Audition”) and “The Ben Stiller Show.” So he’s got the goods.

Plus the cast and writers of Big News are eagerly looking forward to their first show of the summer. You know what it’s like when you haven’t done something you really like for a long time and you finally get the chance to do it? That’s how good Sunday will feel!

So come by iO West, 6366 Hollywood Boulevard, this Sunday at 9 to welcome back Big News! For ticket information, check out the iO West website.

Get Straight Talk from John McCain Answers #1

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Watch Big News Episode 279: “Hillary Under Water”

As all of us at Big News gear up for our first show back following the iO West reopen - Sunday, August 17 at 9pm, with special guest Brent Forrester from “The Office” - it’s the perfect time to catch up on the shows we did before a drunk driver mistook the iO West bar for a street.

So thanks to our friends at Studio Fred, enjoy Big News Episode 279, featuring our special guest Erik Charles Nielsen!

And you can now subscribe to the Big News Podcast! We offer a few different options: iTunes, Miro, normal feed, and Revver. Go here to subscribe!

Big News Episode 279: \"Hillary Under Water\"

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