The Call for Change
Posted by Scott Weitz on October 3rd, 2008
After the Vice Presidential debate last night, the following half of a phone conversation was transcribed at the offices of the McCain/Palin campaign:
Hello? Hi! Oh good, you’re still there. Yes, this is Senator John McCain and I’m calling for Change. Is Change available . . . just for a couple of minutes?
No, McCain. Senator John McCain from Arizona. Sure, I’ll hold. I think they’re putting us through — Hello? (laughs) No, you’re thinking of John McClane, the guy Bruce Willis played in ‘Die Hard.’ My name is John McCain, I’m the Republican nominee for President of the United — sure, I’ll hold.
Tell ‘em John McCain and Sarah Palin are calling for Change, that’ll do the trick, you betcha!
I’m trying to — this is Senator John McCain and I have Governor Sarah Palin on the line, calling for Change. Can you connect us with Change, please?
Tell ‘em you’re a Maverick and I’m a hockey mom.
How is that going to help connect us with Change?! No, I don’t know the extension. If I knew how to get in touch with Change directly, I wouldn’t be calling you? Could you please connect me—
Us!
Could you please connect us with Change as quickly as possible?! The fate of the nation is at stake and it’s crucial we get Change right now. Yes, I know it’s late and we only have thirty days to the election. But we’ve been trying to find Change for months now and we’re not connecting. McCain! JOHN McCAIN!
Didn’t they see me on TV tonight, for crying out loud? I promised American we would call for Change like fifty times, we’ve got to get through! As both a Mayor and Governor of Alaska, I have a strong record of —
Put down your notes, Sarah! You’re not helping!
Sorry, you guys got me so heck-a-fire used to ‘em this week, I can’t stop myself. Gee, I wish I’d had these for Couric!
Yes, we’re still waiting. Look, is Change available for two minutes? That’s all we’re asking, just to get a few ideas to hold us over with voters until November.
If this were Wasilla, I’d have that idiot fired so fast —
Shut up! Haven’t you done enough already?! NO, not you! We’re still holding. If we could just get one minute with Change, I’d sure appreciate it. On the other line? With who?!
Let me talk straight up with this numbskull! Hello? Now you listen here, Mister . . . Mizz, whoever you are! John McCain and Sarah Palin are calling for Change right now! Not tomorrow. Not next week or next year. And if you don’t put us in touch with Change this second, I’ll have the Department of Energy drilling for oil reserves in your ass starting January 2nd —
GIVE ME THAT PHONE! Hello?! Hello??
Um, maybe we can try again tomorrow. But hey, look at the bright side there, John. You’re still a war hero, right?
Post a Comment