Watch Top Story! Weekly Episode 8: “Thou Dost Protest Too Much”

There were riots in Iran for democracy, and riots in Los Angeles because….the Lakers won. And Top Story! Weekly took them all on!

In this episode:

- Hillary Clinton and Al Gore take on Mahmoud Ahmadinejad!
- An Iranian protestor meets his Angeleno counterpart!
- A doctor prescribes treatment for a couple’s son - depending on the couple’s insurance!
- Univision pays for the Lakers victory parade - and turns the Lakers into a telenovela!
- Nevada senator John Ensign’s sex scandal triggers a father-son talk…
- Which in turn triggers a protest by Sarah Palin!
- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad plots to bar most, but not all, of the Internet from Iran!
- Jon and Kate Gosselin feud off-camera while other TLC stars show up at their home!
- A reborn Captain America takes on the Taliban in Afghanistan!
- A karaoke duet between George Bush and Barack Obama turns into criticism of one president by another!
- Plus the comedy of Vance Sanders!
- Mr. Frederickson from “Up” delivers the entertainment news!
- And a joke about the Palin family triggers a protest against Top Story! Weekly’s own Melissa Okey!

TOP STORY! WEEKLY EPISODE 8: “Thou Dost Protest Too Much”

Starring Christopher Biewer, Susan Deming, Peter Fluet, Matt Harris, Matt Moore, Jim Nieb, Melissa Okey, Brian Vestal and Phillip Wilburn

Special Guest: Vance Sanders

Directed by Tom Repetto (more…)


It’s now been over a month since Craigslist cancelled its erotic services section. It’s obvious where all the customers went (online porn, online porn, online porn, community college bars) but where do all of these girls needing to make money and get back at their daddy go?

Fear not, I’m here to help. I’ve created my own company, Getting Back at Daddy Inc.

In this new world where most guys have grown up with all sorts of porn and drugs and the opportunities for prostitution are steadily decreasing, there has to be some sort of new way to show Daddy that her little girl is all grown up and needs to be left alone. That’s where I come in.

I will be the vegan Hitler Youth you bring home for Thanksgiving. My struggle will always be the lack of tofurkey.

I will be the homeless meth addict you take to the 4th of July barbecue. I will gum down at least ten mostly cooked sausages.

I will be the former American Idol contestant that can’t wait to meet your violin-playing father. I need some accompaniment for my youtube version of “The Super Bowl Shuffle”.

All for only $200 an hour, plus travel expenses. Tipping is appreciated. Act now and receive as a free gift, an orgasm. Hurry, time is limited. Look for me on Craigslist under “farm+garden”.

Craigslist has announced it is canceling its erotic services section. At the same time, Craigslist is launching two new jobs categories. (more…)


As part of the BBC’s poetry season, Bono composed a poem paying tribute to Elvis Presley. Here is a copy of that poem reprinted for all to enjoy.

Elvis ain’t nothing but a hound dog.

Bono ain’t nothing but Bono.

Elvis said don’t be cruel.

Bono says don’t be cruel and forgive third world debt.

Elvis wanted to be your teddy bear.

Bono wants to be your non-endangered, expanding habitat polar bear.

Elvis wanted to know if you were lonesome tonight.

Bono isn’t.

Elvis liked guns.

Bono doesn’t.

Elvis liked peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

Bono agrees.

Elvis, you may be pretty cool, but

Bono is.

As part of the BBC’s poetry season, Bono composed a poem paying tribute to Elvis Presley which will be broadcast on the network. Bono decided to compose the Elvis tribute when he needed a break from paying tributes to himself. (more…)

Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending Sunday, June 28, 2009

Legendary pop singer Michael Jackson died Thursday at age fifty after suffering a cardiac arrest. Upon hearing of Jackson’s death, Paul McCartney proclaimed once and for all that the doggone girl is his.

Former Vice President Dick Cheney has signed a book deal with Simon & Schuster to write his memoirs. The book will be called “War and Peace…Minus the Peace.”

President Obama will throw out the first pitch at the All-Star game in July. The pitch was originally going to be thrown by the president of GM, but Obama decided he could do a better job. (more…)

Top Story! Weekly Special Report: Michael Jackson

All of us at Top Story! Weekly were stunned to hear of the death Thursday of Michael Jackson. For literally all of our lives, his music has been a part of the world around us.

Still, no matter how shocked we are to learn of his passing, we have a mission: to create comedy based on the news events of the week. And there was none bigger this week than the King of Pop. So, literally minutes after the news broke, our writers were hard at work crafting Michael Jackson jokes.

What else will we do about Jacko’s passing? What about Farrah Fawcett? Or Ed McMahon? To find out, stop by iO West Sunday night at 9 for an all-new episode of Top Story! Weekly!

Legendary pop singer died Thursday at age 50 after suffering a cardiac arrest. Jackson reportedly stopped because he had gotten enough.

Michael Jackson died this week after being rushed to UCLA Medical Center with a cardiac arrest. Jackson was 50; his chin was 8 1/2.

Michael Jackson died this week after being rushed to UCLA Medical Center with a cardiac arrest. Fortunately, he will still be able to do the Thriller dance.


Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending Sunday, June 21, 2009

Ten U.S. banks agreed Wednesday to pay back $68 billion in bailout money. The Federal Government plans to use the money to run GM for 68 days.

General Motors announced Friday that it is bringing 900 laid-off employees back to work, due to a sudden increase in sales. Analysts credit the increase to the fact that GM has started selling Hondas and Toyotas.

Controversy over how to pay for the Los Angeles Lakers $2 million victory parade was solved on Monday. The city guilted Kobe into paying the two million dollars after pointing out how badly the Lakers raped the Orlando Magic.

Watch Top Story! Weekly Episode 7: “A Snake in the Grass”

Adam Lambert had a snake around his junk, while Chaz Bono wanted to get rid of hers! And Top Story! Weekly was there to navigate around all the gender-bending!

In this episode:

- Adam Lambert inspires a host of other celebrities to try to come out on Rolling Stone’s cover!
- A couple wants to be a Chrysler - but the new Fiat salesman has other ideas!
- The fate of Current TV reporters Euna Lee and Laura Ling is at stake as Kim Jong-Il and Al Gore play “Deal or No Deal”!
- UCLA students still aren’t happy when Linkin Park’s Brad Delson replaces James Franco as their commencement speaker!
- Neo and Trinity discover that the Oracle is Janet Napolitano!
- The Griswolds get to Roy Wally’s California - only to discover it’s closed!
- On June 12, a couple is driven mad by Digital TV conversion and Facebook user name selection!
- Bill Gates announces new products to replace Microsoft Money!
- Cher and the ghost of Sonny sing about Chastity Bono’s sex change!
- Plus the comedy of Heather Thomson!
- And Los Angeles announces a plan to give the results of tests for STDs via text message!

TOP STORY! WEEKLY EPISODE 7: “A Snake in the Grass”

Starring Christopher Biewer, Kipleigh Brown, Bailee DesRocher, Neil Garguilo, Jimmy Guidish, Michael Hughes, Melissa Okey, Artemis Pebdani, Derek Reid and Phillip Wilburn

Special Guest: Heather Thomson

Directed by Tom Repetto (more…)

Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending Sunday, June 14, 2009

On Monday, Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor broke her right ankle before boarding a plane to Washington. The injury has now caused Sotomayor to lean even further to the left.

Newt Gingrich accused Sonia Sotomayor of trying to drum up sympathy by faking her ankle injury. In response, Sotomayor accused Gingrich of trying to drum up sympathy by acting like a retard.

Two American journalists who entered North Korea illegally were sentenced to twelve years of hard labor. The jounalists will be given jobs at a Nike factory.

Watch Top Story! Weekly Episode 6: “Talk Like an Egyptian”

President Obama went to Egypt, and Top Story! Weekly went to North Korea, China and Burma!

In this episode:

- President Obama leaves the country in the care of Joe Biden, Tim Geithner and Lawrence Summers!
- Kim Jong-Il picks one of his sons as his successor - but which one?!!
- Two Afghan terrorists try to find nuclear secrets on the Internet!
- Dick Cheney hosts a late night talk show!
- Two cops convince Scott Roeder that killer Dr. George Tiller might not have been a great idea!
- Laid-off workers discover the joys of “funemployment!”
- An American walled off from communication with his Chinese Internet girlfriend runs to China to find her!
- Burma’s Aung San Suu Kyi gets inundated by people using her lake!
- Plus the comedy of Bennie Arthur!
- And Optimus Prime from the Transformers gives his thoughts on GM’s bankruptcy!

TOP STORY! WEEKLY EPISODE 6: “Talk Like an Egyptian”

Starring Kipleigh Brown, Bailee DesRocher, Erich Eilenberger, Adam Fisher, Peter Fluet, Matthew Harris, Melissa Okey, Artemis Pebdani, Danny Ricker and Phillip Wilburn

Special Guest: Bennie Arthur

Directed by Michael Hughes (more…)

Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending Sunday, June 7, 2009

President Obama followed his speech to the Muslim world in Egypt Friday with a tour of the pyramids of Giza. After gazing at the crumbling, outdated structures, Obama out of habit offered them a federal bailout.

On Monday, President Obama said the government will assume a 60% ownership share in General Motors. The government made the deal by giving GM shareholders three dollars and 75 cents.

GM has reached a tentative deal to sell its Hummer division. While GM did not release the name of the buyer, they did reveal that it is the dumbest company in history.