Top Story Weekly

Faked moon landings! Teenaged round-the-world sailors acting like douchebags! And hot Senator-on-Senator action! All wrapped up in a Monty Python package! Top Story! Weekly pays tribute to Monty Python’s “Spamalot”

In this episode:

- Republican Senators get down to bare essentials in questioning Sonia Sotomayor!
- Sarah Palin’s new secretary goes through her email - and finds nothing but spam!
- Newly released tapes from NASA reveal the moon landing was faked - and not very well!
- Teen sailor Zac Sunderland returns home - and meets Captain Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger!
- Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa must decide whether to pay the security cost of Michael Jackson’s funeral, and whether to yield to his passion for Latoya Jackson!
- Barack Obama’s new health care plan brings a couple to a psychic healer!
- Glenn Beck takes on British sex education with Severus Snape, Oliver Twist, and Jaime Escalante!
- American troops go marching up and down the square - in Afghanistan!
- Arnold Schwarzenegger sings “The Governor Song!”
- Plus the comedy of David Feldman!
- And Walter Cronkite stops by with his thoughts on modern-day TV news!

TOP STORY! WEEKLY EPISODE 12: “And That’s The Way It Was”

Starring Christopher Biewer, Kipleigh Brown, Sean Cowhig, Neil Garguilo, Matt Moore, Jim Nieb, Melissa Okey, Derek Reid and Phillip Wilburn

Special Guest: David Feldman

Directed by Michael Hughes (more…)

Three mayors and two state lawmakers were among forty people arrested Thursday in an investigation into a money laundering scheme in New Jersey. Even so, the three mayors and two state lawmakers are still the five least corrupt government officials in New Jersey.

On Wednesday, millions of people in Asia experienced a six minute and thirty-nine second total solar eclipse. The eclipse was the longest since 1983, when people all over the world experienced a total eclipse of the heart.

Footage was released this week of Buzz Aldrin punching filmmaker Bart Sibrel in the face at a mall after Sibrel claimed the moon landing was a hoax. Although skeptics claim the punch really took place at a soundstage in Burbank.

(more…)

Broadcast journalism legend Walter Cronkite passed away Friday at age 92. Nobody trusted the accuracy of the story at first, since it was not reported by Walter Cronkite.

President Obama’s choice for Surgeon General is Regina Benjamin, a doctor from rural Alabama. The new Surgeon General’s first order of business: boiling up some squirrels.

President Obama threw out the first pitch at the Major League Baseball all-star game in St. Louis Tuesday. Then Joe Biden streaked across the field. (more…)

It was the week of the Michael Jackson Memorial Service, Sarah Palin’s resignation continued to resonate across the political scene. And if that wasn’t enough of a comedy gift to us at Top Story! Weekly, we also had an awesome comedy set by one of our favorite guests, John Fugelsang!

In this episode:

- A funeral for a hamster turns into a media circus with Brooke Shields, Al Sharpton, Usher and John Mayer!
- The Steve McNair case gives a wife some ideas on how to get her husband to work around the house!
- Al Franken’s path to the Senate is shown to be part of a plot by Lorne Michaels!
- Robert McNamera joins Gertrude Stein, William F. Buckley and Truman Capote in an afterlife talk show!
- Barack Obama, Dmitry Medvedev, and Kim Jong-Il compare who has the bigger missile…payload!
- John McCain tells Chris Matthews what he really thinks about Sarah Palin’s resignation!
- Harry Potter fights against a new threat at Hogwarts - pot!
- Even though retired from “American Top 40,” Casey Kasem delivers personalized countdowns to fans’ homes - whether they want them or not!
- Plus the awesome comedy of John Fugelsang!
- And Kenny Ortega presents a new awards show, singling out the most inappropriate events of the Michael Jackson memorial service!

TOP STORY! WEEKLY EPISODE 11: “Revenge of the Fallen”

Starring Kipleigh Brown, Peter Fluet, Matthew Harris, Michael Hughes, Gregg Lopez, Jim Nieb, Melissa Okey and Derek Reid

Special Guest: John Fugelsang

Directed by Tom Repetto (more…)

“Please direct your attention to the front as we explain the safety features of your Boeing 747.”

“I think this is going to be awfully dangerous Mister Frodo.”

“Nonsense Sam. We’re perfectly safe.”

“In case of a water landing, your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device.”

“Did you hear that Mister Frodo. What if we land in water? I can’t swim.”

“Sam, we won’t be flying over any water on our trip to Mordor. It’s mostly barren areas scourged by the Dark Lord Sauron.”

“Please keep your seat belt securely fastened while in your seat in case we encounter any turbulence.”

“Will Sauron be attacking us with magical spells?”

“No, we’ll be flying at 35,000 feet, an altitude much too thin for magic spells.”

“What about the Nazgul?”

“Can’t fly this high.”

“What about when we get to Mordor, mister Frodo?”

“I have an armored vehicle scheduled to meet us and take us to the top of Mount Doom.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it Sam.”

“Well, then I’ll start roasting a couple of coneys.”

“Can’t. All we get for the next four hours are peanuts.”

“Gosh, this trip sucks. I hate epic journeys.”

“Imagine what it was like before the 21st Century.”

“Still sucks.”

The Institute for Economics and Peace has declared New Zealand as the world’s most peaceful nation. The country has been most peaceful ever since Frodo destroyed The One Ring. (more…)

Al Franken went from SNL to the Senate, while Sarah Palin went from the Alaska governship to - who knows? But we at Top Story! Weekly knew that Palin, Franken and the continuing circus of the Michael Jackson story gave us lots of great news-based comedy!

In this episode:

- The folks at TMZ try to find more celebrity deaths to top the Ed McMahon/Farrah Fawcett/Michael Jackson trifecta!
- Governor Schwarzenegger tries to cash California’s IOU’s at a Wells Fargo - until he’s thwarted by Comptroller John Chiang!
- Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad admits he’s rigged not only the election, but the office coffee pull!
- Larry King interviews Kate Jackson, Joe Jackson and Don King about dead celebrities - the wrong dead celebrities!
- Honduran president Manuela Zelaya returns from his vacation - to find he’s been ousted in a coup!
- Bubbles the Chimp gives his thoughts on Michael Jackson’s passing!
- Bernie Madoff’s sentencing is retold - John Hughes style!
- Vince Offer - the Shamwow Guy - introduces a new cleaning product created from the body of Billy Mays!
- Senate Democrats celebrate the election of Al Franken in song - just like the cast of “Hair!”
- Plus the comedy of Asterios Kokkinos!
- And Sarah Palin makes big announcements about her future - and then retracts them !

TOP STORY! WEEKLY EPISODE 10: “Live from Minnesota”

Starring Christopher Biewer, Kipleigh Brown, Jen Cain, Erich Eilenberger, Matthew Harris, Gregg Lopez, Jim Nieb, Derek Reid, Ray Stakenas and Phillip Wilburn

Special Guest: Asterios Kokkinos

Directed by Michael Hughes (more…)

On Tuesday, Joe Biden officially swore in Al Franken as the newest U.S. senator. The ceremony paired one of the funniest men in politics with Senator Al Franken.

G-8 world leaders have agreed to a goal of limiting the world’s average temperature from rising more than 2 degrees Celsius. The leaders plan on achieving this goal by turning the AC up really, really high.

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said Tuesday that the country’s disputed presidential election was the world’s “freest” vote. He explained that everyone in the country was completely free to vote for Ahmadinejad as many times as they wanted. (more…)

In one week, we lost Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Billy Mays and Michael Jackson. And the governor of South Carolina revealed he lost his heart. But we at Top Story! Weekly still managed to find a lot of great comedy in the week’s news!

In this episode:

- At the press conference with the L.A. Coroner’s Office about Michael Jackson’s death, reporters have some “Off the Wall” fun!
- Barack and Michelle Obama take a smoking break - until Wolf Blitzer catches them!
- Mark Sanford’s adultery takes a trip through Tennessee Williams country!
- Thanks to the Supreme Court, a motivated student fakes being disabled in order to get into an elite private school!
- The economic crisis hits home for the White House press corps!
- The sequel to “The Hangover” finds the guys searching for their lost friend…Governor Mark Sanford!
- Jon and Kate Gosselin go on blind dates!
- The head of the Pentagon’s Cyber Command finds himself under cybersurrveillance!
- Ed McMahon’s arrival in heaven keeps getting trumped by other fallen celebrities!
- Plus the comedy of Sean Green!
- And Optimus Prime from “Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen” discusses the decision to increase to ten the nominees for Best Picture!

TOP STORY! WEEKLY EPISODE 9: “Presenting the Jackson 4″

Starring Kipleigh Brown, Gregg Lopez, Matt Moore, Jim Nieb, Melissa Okey, Derek Reid, Tammie Smalls, Brian Vestal and Phillip Wilburn

Special Guest: Sean Green

Directed by Michael Hughes (more…)

Sarah Palin announced on Friday that she is resigning as governor of Alaska effective on July 26. Palin made the announcement because she’s been out of the news for a week and a half.

Iranian authorities validated the results of the recent reelection of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad after performing a partial recount. The recount was partial because they only counted the votes for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Release of a 911 transcript has increased speculation that Michael Jackson’s personal physician improperly administered CPR after finding the pop star unconscious. Responded the doctor: “Okay, I admit. I don’t really know how to perform CPR. You could even say that I’m a bad doctor. But you’re forgetting that, to Michael Jackson, “bad” means “good.” So I think I did my job just fine.” (more…)

So, what does cancer do when it goes in remission? I imagine it’s like a vacation. So here are the top five destinations for cancer in remission:

5. Tropicana Field in St. Petersburg, because no one is around to bother it there.

4. There are always drinks to be had in the liver.

3. Always can look for new friends on skin at the beach.

2. Two words: Tobacco Road.

1. Try to get a meeting with the people at Hasbro, because it’s still a good idea to make the game “Cancerland.”

Last week, reporters were told that Senator Ted Kennedy’s brain cancer is in remission. The news prompted researchers to begin investigating the use of Scotch as a cure for cancer. (more…)