Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending Sunday, August 30, 2009

Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy died of brain cancer Tuesday at age 77. In Kennedy’s honor President Obama has ordered all Americans to wear their pants at half mast.

On Thursday, Senator Kennedy’s body was driven along a seventy mile route of sites significant to his life. The trip was delayed, however, when the hearse drove off a bridge.

The possibility that Social Security benefits may be frozen next year has raised concerns among many of America’s senior citizens. In response, President Obama noted that a freeze in social security benefits will not be an issue for seniors after they face his death panels.

Top Story! Weekly Remembers Ted Kennedy!

Father, brother, uncle, friend, Senator…by all accounts, Ted Kennedy led a rich life. His colleagues in the Senate have recounted his love of jokes, parties, and laughter. So we at Top Story! Weekly trust that, as a good Irishman, Senator Kennedy would enjoy the tribute we pay to him the way we know best - with jokes!


KANSAS CITY (TSW) – Just in time for football season, local restaurant, Meat, has come out with a new dish for tailgating parties.

It is the Meat Football.

Owner Frank Dangle says it is the greatest thing to hit tailgating since, well, tailgates.

“What we do is take a pound of sausage and a pound of ground sirloin, put it into a football mold with all sorts of delicious herbs and spices, grill it on all sides and then bake it for about 20 minutes. Then we cover it with about two pounds of bacon and drop it in the deep frier. It serves about ten people or two Chiefs fans.”

So far, about five thousand Meat Footballs have been ordered for the Chiefs home opener against the Raiders on September 20th. Dangle expects his restaurant to be working for 72 hours straight to make sure that all the orders are ready.

“I want to be sure that we fill all of our orders, because there is nothing more scary than a half-drunk hungry football fan craving meat. Except for a half-drunk hungry Raider fan.”

Dangle went on to caution that you should not eat the Meat Football unless you are completely healthy, over the age of 15 and under the age of 45 as it could stunt your growth, clog your arteries and cause death by culinary orgasm.

(Top Story Weekly realizes that the picture above has nothing to do with the Meat Football. However, since getting pictures of Meat Footballs is difficult as they seem to go extinct quicker than a dodo, we thought a picture of the Bacon Bra would suffice as it shows what anyone can do with meat and a dream.)

KFC has begun test-marketing the new “Double Down” sandwich, which consists of bacon, cheese, and sauce between two pieces of fried chicken instead of a bun. For an extra 99 cents you can get two sides and a shotgun blast to the face. (more…)

Watch Top Story! Weekly Episode 17: “Auf Wiedersehen, Health Care!” with Eddie Pepitone!

Episode 17 was our first show after our colleagues at iO West honored us at the 2009 Del Close Awards by naming us Best Scripted Show! (Check out a few pictures from backstage at the ceremony below!)

In this episode:


Watch Top Story! Weekly Episode 16: “An Apple A Day Keeps the Death Panel Away”

All of us at Top Story! Weekly were thrilled and honored to have been named “Best Scripted Show” at the 2009 Del Close Awards held at iO West this past Friday. We love being a part of the iO West community and are grateful for the recognition given us by our very talented peers.

(Here’s a couple shots, courtesy of Kim Mulligan, of us accepting the award.)

And if you want a sample of the great comedy that led our colleagues to cast their vote for us, watch this great episode of Top Story! Weekly!

In this episode:


Matt Moore Looks At…The Real Inglourious Basterd!!

Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending Sunday, August 23, 2009

After being accused of sending out spam concerning President Obama’s health care plan, the White House is changing their email procedures. However, the White House is sticking to the emails’ claim that Obama’s health care plan can increase the size of your penis.

GM announced on Tuesday that it will build 60,000 more cars and trucks this year due to the success of the “Cash for Clunkers” program. GM hopes the increase in production will help maintain the country’s supply of clunkers.

Military enthusiasts around the country have begun to participate in historical reenactments of the Vietnam War. The reenactments occur when participants enlist in the army and are deployed to Iraq.

Watch Top Story! Weekly Episode 15: “They’ve Given You a Number”

TOP STORY! WEEKLY EPISODE 15: “They’ve Given You a Number”

Starring Shannon Ayers, Kipleigh Brown, Jimmy Guidish, Michael Hughes, Gregg Lopez, Melissa Okey, Danny Ricker, Brian Vestal and Phillip Wilburn

Special Guest: Paul Cibis

Directed by Ron West (more…)

And The Winner is….

Watch Top Story! Weekly Episode 14: “Beer Heals All Wounds” - with Rick Overton!!

It was the week of Barack Obama’s “beer submit” - and to celebrate, a whole bunch of folks headed over to iO West and watched some great comedy in Top Story! Weekly!

In this episode:

-Professor Henry Louis Gates and Sergeant James Crowley hold a second “Beer Summit” with the folks at “Cheers” - where Carla’s riled up over the revelations of David Ortiz’s steroid abuse!
- Two detectives investigating Michael Jackson’s doctor, Conrad Murray, find a lot of interesting evidence to pocket - er, store!
- Governor Schwarzenegger pitches California residents on the virtues of hiring California state officials from “Crazy Arnold’s House of Politicians”!
- Dr. Beers, Beer Therapist, counsels beers left high and dry by the beer summit!
- A young man explains how Barack Obama’s health care plan will take his parents from “Knight Rider” reruns and Hamburger Helper…to euthanasia!
- CNN’s president, Jack Bronson, orders his reporters to give every story a Michael Jackson angle - and earns a visit from Michael Jackson’s ghost!
- Jennifer Aniston hosts a panel discussion with Jessica Simpson, Kim Kardashian and Joe Jonas about getting dumped!
- When the University of Florida loses its ranking as the number one party school to Penn State, the school’s DKE gets some advice on how to bounce back from an expert - George W. Bush!
- A Middle East summit meant to be led by George Mitchell is brought together by George Michael!
- Plus the comedy of Rick Overton!
- And native Bostonian Sean Cowhig gives his thoughts on the Manny Ramirez/Big Papi steroid scandal!

TOP STORY! WEEKLY EPISODE 14: “Beer Heals All Wounds”

Starring Shannon Ayers, Christopher Biewer, Sean Cowhig, Matthew Harris, Melissa Okey, Ray Stakenas, Brian Vestal and Phillip Wilburn

Special Guest: Rick Overton

Directed by Michael Hughes (more…)