The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, December 6, 2015!

At the Paris climate change summit Monday, President Obama ran over his allotted speaking time and ignored signals to wrap things up. As a result, he was banned from doing the summit’s open mic.

Carly Fiorina denounced criticism of her statements about Planned Parenthood as, quote, ″typical left-wing tactics″. Specifically, the left-wing tactic of, quote, ″using actual facts″.

Jeb Bush told a group of Iowa voters Tuesday that they were “looking at the Republican nominee in 2016″. At the time, he was showing them a picture of Marco Rubio.

Donald Trump has received permission from Twisted Sister to use their song ″We’re Not Gonna Take It″. It should appeal to his key demographic: old white guys who still think it’s 1985.

Donald Trump has announced plans to travel to Israel. He plans to bring peace to the area by uniting Jews and Muslims in their hatred of Donald Trump.

E. Coli cases in seven states have been linked to a chicken salad from Costco. Which is great news for people who like to get their E. Coli in bulk.

A professor at The University of Kansas was put on paid leave after using the N-word during a class discussion. A University of Kansas spokesperson apologized for hiring such an F-word R-word.

A marble bust of Dick Cheney was unveiled Thursday in the Capitol. The bust is the first statue ever to have a higher pulse rate than its subject.

Frank Gifford’s family has revealed that the concussions he got during his years in the NFL left him with a brain disease. Doctors first realized the disease affected his judgment when he married Kathie Lee.

Mariah Carey was hospitalized Wednesday with a severe bout of flu. So now, all she wants for Christmas is Nyquil.

Adele’s new album “25″ has sold over four million copies in its first two weeks. So Merry Christmas, over four million moms!

The biopic about Tupac Shakur has announced a new director. It’ll be a Stanley Kubrick hologram.

Kendall Jenner says she’s never tried coffee. Which makes her the first Kardashian to refuse to put something black inside her body.

Charlie Sheen is working on a memoir chronicling everything he can remember about his career in Hollywood. The book will be two pages long.

A public library is set to open in a polygamous community in Utah. It will be the only library where you have to check out more than one book at a time.

Olivia Culpo reportedly broke up with Tim Tebow because he wouldn’t have sex with her. Olivia should have realized what every NFL team has: if you play with Tim Tebow, you won’t score.

A new survey reveals that 40% of millennials want the government to censor offensive public statements. The other 60% were so offended by the question they could not even.

According to a new study, switching to a gluten-free diet reduces fatigue. However, it increases fatigue for all the waitresses you annoy.

Facebook plans to offer a new tool that allows users to avoid seeing posts form their exes while staying friends with them. The new tool is called “self-control.”

A former TSA agent advises travelers not to wear cargo pants to the airport. Not because they’re more likely to get you searched, but because it’s not 1999.

According to a new study, sugar-free and diet drinks are just as bad for your teeth as sugary versions. The study was performed by children.

Subway has named a former Coca-Cola executive as its Chief Marketing Officer. And they added a former Lays potato chip executive as their Chief Financial Officer for just one dollar more.

And finally, Scott Weiland, the former lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots, died Thursday at age 48. Even more tragic, Scott Stapp from Creed is still alive.

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