The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, October 26, 2014!

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, OCTOBER 26, 2014

Starring Matthew Harris (Anchor), Jen Cain (Anchor), Derek Reid (Conan the Comedian), Valerie Tosi (Susan Schrijver), Blake Walker (Mark Twain), Eileen Mary O’Connell (Courtney Love), Mitchel Baldwin (German) and John Abbott (Viagra user)

Directed by Kristina Adelmeyer

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending October 26, 2014!

While President Obama cast an early vote in Chicago, a man warned him “Don’t touch my girlfriend”. The man thought Obama might into her, because his girlfriend is a golf course.

According to a new report, dozens of suspected Nazis received Social Security benefits even after being kicked out of the U.S. So Nazis are receiving more Social Security than you ever will.

After receiving complaints from a Florida mom, Toys R Us agreed to stop selling Breaking Bad action figures. The Florida mom was worried that selling crystal meth toys in the house would compete with the real crystal meth she sells outside.
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The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, October 19, 2014!

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, OCTOBER 19, 2014

Starring Kipleigh Brown (Anchor), Matthew Harris (Anchor), Tammie Smalls (Pepper Jenkins), Rebecca Stevens (Dr. Nancy Snyderman), Bennie Arthur (Tiny Tim), Paul Straw (Art Historian), Troy Holden (Sears Spokesperson) and Brian Vestal (Porsche Spokesperson)

Directed by Michael Hughes

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending October 19, 2014!

President Obama is appointing Joe Biden’s former chief of staff Ron Klain to head the government’s response to the Ebola crisis. Obama figures that anyone who spent years working for Joe Biden has plenty of experience handling disasters.

NBC’s chief medical correspondent Dr. Nancy Snyderman apologized for violating her Ebola quarantine by going to New Jersey’s Peasant Grill restaurant for some take-out. In her defense, their soup is to die for.

Apple and Facebook will begin paying for female employees to freeze their eggs in an effort to recruit and retain women in the tech industry. If they want to fertilize those eggs, they can simply scrape the sperm from their coworkers’ keyboards.
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The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, October 12, 2014!

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, OCTOBER 12, 2014

Starring Kipleigh Brown (Anchor), Jen Cain (Anchor), Bennie Arthur (Drunk History’s Bennie Arthur), Ryan Pratton (Sean Parker) and Troy Holden (Vaginal Orgasm Researcher)

Directed by Kristina Adelmeyer

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending October 12, 2014!

On Thursday Gwyneth Paltrow hosted a fundraiser for President Obama. Going to Gwyneth Paltrow’s party was a real change of pace for Obama, because for once he wasn’t the most unpopular person in the room.

Amidst growing concerns about Ebola, the CDC has assured the public that Ebola can only be contracted through bodily fluids such as blood, semen, and urine. This came as a relief to everyone in the country except Andy Dick.

A 19-year-old was arrested Monday at O’Hare International Airport after trying to board a plane with intentions to join ISIS. His parents responded by saying, “Kids–they blow up so fast.”
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The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, October 5, 2014!

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, OCTOBER 5, 2014

Starring Kipleigh Brown (Anchor), Lauren Miller (Anchor), Derek Reid (Prince), Adam Campbell-Schmitt (Iraqi TV Executive), Ryan Pratton (Ashton Kutcher), Trian Long Smith (Amanda Bynes’ Arresting Officer), Eileen Mary O’Connell (Woman in the Cubicle Next to You) and Troy Holden (Eddie Weitzberg)

Directed by Adam Campbell-Schmitt

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending October 5, 2014!

The first diagnosed case of Ebola in the United States was confirmed this week in Dallas. The Texas virus is very similar to the one found in Liberia, just with a much bigger belt buckle.

In an interview on “60 Minutes” President Obama admitted he had underestimated the strength of ISIS. So for Obama, defeating ISIS is on par with building a website that works.

The man who broke into the White House last month, Omar Gonzalez, made it much further into the building than originally revealed. It’s the furthest anyone has gotten into the White House who didn’t belong since George W. Bush was elected.
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The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, September 28, 2014!

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 2014

Starring Kipleigh Brown (Anchor), Matthew Harris (Anchor), Derek Reid (Conan the Comedian), John Druska (Dale Decker), Stacy Rumaker (Stacy), Zach Zucker (Keanu Reeves) and Colin Contreary (Ronald Snyder)

Directed by Kristina Adelmeyer

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending September 28, 2014!

On Friday Chelsea Clinton had a girl. And on Saturday so did Bill.

Chris Christie has lost 85 pounds since undergoing a weight loss surgery a year and a half ago. Weight loss has been easy since his surgery closed off some lanes in his esophagus.

As part of his court-ordered community service, Kanye West is teaching a class at Los Angeles Trade Technical College. It is the only time you’ll ever hear the words “Kanye West” and “class” in the same sentence.
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