Top Story Weekly

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, MAY 12, 2013

Starring Matt Moore (Anchor), Kipleigh Brown (Anchor), Tammie Smalls (Pepper Jenkins), Julia Wackenheim (Barbara Walters), Matt Manser (IRS Agent) and Mike McLendon (New York City Fireman)

Directed by Derek Jeremiah Reid

Pope Francis has canonized over 800 new saints. They include a 15th century martyr, a nun from Colombia, and the NBC executive who canceled “Whitney”.

Due to budget cuts, California’s unemployment offices will stop answering the phone after twelve o’clock. Which is unfortunate, because that’s when most unemployed people wake up.

A new movie about Hillary Clinton will include scenes dealing with her sex life with Bill. So for any actress who wants to play Hillary, good news: you won’t have to do any sex scenes!
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THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, MAY 12, 2013

Starring Matthew Harris (Anchor), Julia Wackenheim (Anchor), Jared Nigro (Applebee’s Manager), Erich Eilenberger (Whole Foods Customer) and John Druska (Matt Groening)

Directed by Adam Campbell-Schmitt

Delaware became the 11th state to legalize gay marriage. So for the first time, someone in Delaware will finally feel pride.

Due to her advancing age, Queen Elizabeth has begun to turn over many of her responsibilities to Prince Charles. The Queen made the decision because she is no longer physically capable to do nothing.

A new lawsuit has come out accusing Michael Jackson of child molestation, nearly four years after Jackson’s death. Which makes Michael Jackson the Tupac of pedophilia.
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THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, MAY 5, 2013

Starring Kipleigh Brown (Anchor), Jen Cain (Anchor), Derek Reid (Conan the Barbarian), Mitchel Baldwin (8-Year-Old Gun Owner), Sean Cowhig (Hollywood Executive), Brian Vestal (Jeff Foxworthy) and Colin Contreary (Foster Bills)

Directed by Michael Hughes

On Monday, NBA player Jason Collins announced that he was gay. Which goes to show that whether you’re gay or straight, you too can be a mediocre NBA player.

Kobe Bryant posted a tweet Monday supporting Jason Collins. Kobe says he and Jason actually have a lot in common, since both have promised never to make a pass at a teammate.

According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, women who want to look like Michelle Obama are having surgery on their upper arms. And women who want to look like Madonna are dipping their arms in boiling stew.
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CHARGED WITH ROMANCE by Sean Tierney

Starring Kipleigh Brown (Reese Witherspoon), Josh Rachford (Officer Brody), Gregg Lopez (Announcer) and Phillip Wilburn (Eugene Levy)

Directed by Michael Hughes

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, APRIL 28, 2013

Starring Kipleigh Brown (Anchor), Josh Rachford (Anchor), Brian Vestal (Jim Parsons), Gregg Lopez (Hipster Jesus), James Warfield (Vanilla Ice) and Leo Margul (Student in Science of Batman Class)

Directed by Michael Hughes

In a recent interview, George W. Bush said he is comfortable with his decision to invade Iraq during his presidency. Bush said he’s especially comfortable thinking about it while snuggled under the covers in his racecar bed.

The Twitter account for the Associated Press was hacked, and tweeted that President Obama was injured in a White House bombing. Although the tweet was fake, it did give Ann Coulter her very first orgasm.

Apple has recalled eight million iPhones due to low quality. They apologized for the poor workmanship, explaining that kids will be kids.
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At the end of our show on Oscar night 2012, our very own Amy Paffrath was surprised with a proposal from her boyfriend Drew Seeley:

Today is Drew and Amy’s wedding day! Congratulations to two of the nicest, warmest and most talented people you’ll every meet. We love having you as part of our family and wish you all happiness always!!