The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, September 14, 2014!

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2014

Starring Kipleigh Brown (Anchor), Josh Rachford (Anchor), Stacy Rumaker (Ghost of Joan Rivers), Derek Reid (Apple Spokesperson), Zach Zucker (Bono), Markeia McCarty (Brunch Fan) and Paul Straw (Bro)

Directed by Kristina Adelmeyer

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending September 14, 2014!

Kate Middleton is pregnant with her second child. Which will make her the first member of the royal family to ever experience labor twice.

Former Baltimore Raven Ray Lewis has criticized ex-teammate Ray Rice, saying it’s wrong to hit women. But he added that it’s perfectly okay to look the other way while someone else hits a woman.

On Tuesday Apple debuted its new Apple Watch, which among other things can detect a user’s heart rate. Users can watch their heart rate soar as they realize how much they just spent on a wristwatch.
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The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, September 7, 2014!

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 2014

Starring Brian Vestal (Anchor), Eileen Mary O’Connell (Anchor), Zach Zucker (Nick Carter), Mitchel Baldwin (BP Executive), Ashleigh Hairston (Laid-Off USA Today Reporter), Matt Blitz (Disney Executive) and Troy Holden (Colorado Marijuana Tax Collector)

Directed by Kristina Adelmeyer

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending September 7, 2014!

Naked photos of Jennifer Lawrence were among the nude celebrity pictures leaked online this week. Which makes this one instance where Jennifer Lawrence did not wish to volunteer her tributes.

On Thursday a federal judge ruled that BP was grossly negligent for causing the 2010 oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. BP responded that the decision was for the birds…or it would be, if any birds were still alive after BP spilled all that oil into the Gulf of Mexico.

The NYPD is requiring that its officers take classes on how to use Twitter. However, the cops plan on only following minorities.
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The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, August 31, 2014!

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, AUGUST 31, 2014

Starring Kipleigh Brown (Anchor), Jen Cain (Anchor), Stacy Rumaker (Sofia Vergara), Brian Vestal (Beverly Hills Resident), Colin Contreary (Dusty Hill), Christopher Biewer (David Chase) and Mitchel Baldwin (Abercrombie & Fitch Employee)

Directed by Adam Campbell-Schmitt

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending August 31, 2014!

Mitt Romney said that right now, he’s not running for president in 2016, but that “circumstances can change”. For example, Republicans could decide that in 2016, they want to lose.

Sunday’s earthquake in Napa Valley caused severe damage to several wineries. The county has been declared a disaster area by Kathie Lee and Hoda.

A new report indicates that Malaysian Airlines is losing over two million dollars a day. Investigators speculate that the money crashed somewhere in the Indian Ocean.
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A Hazelnut Shortage Causes a Nutella Shortage!

NUTELLAPOLCALYPSE by Eileen Mary O’Connell

Starring Stacy Rumaker (Annie), Kipleigh Brown (Madison),
Eileen Mary O’Connell (Debbie), Troy Holden (Brian) and Zach Zucker (Newscaster)

Directed by Sean Cowhig

The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, August 24, 2014!

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, AUGUST 24, 2014

Starring Kipleigh Brown (Anchor), Stacy Rumaker (Anchor), Derek Reid (Conan the Comedian), Paul Straw (Harry Reid), Tillery Johnson (Matthew McConaughey), Eileen Mary O’Connell (Jennifer Lawrence), Zach Zucker (Calvin Haris) and Troy Holden (Gainesville Georgia School Bully)

Directed by Sean Cowhig

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending August 24, 2014!

After Germany complained of being spied on by the U.S., it was revealed that Germany spied on John Kerry. The U.S. isn’t mad at Germany, because having to listen to John Kerry is punishment enough.

The government of Iran plans to combat high rates of premarital sex among young people by allowing them to enter into “temporary marriages.” Or as they are known in Hollywood, marriages.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid apologized after video surfaced of him making Asian-themed jokes during a recent speech. Harry added that the worst part about putting my foot in his mouth with Asian jokes was that he was hungry again in an hour.
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The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, August 17, 2014!

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, AUGUST 21, 2014

Starring Matthew Harris (Anchor), Brent Pope (Anchor), Mitchel Baldwin (Jimmy Fallon), Zach Zucker (Billionaire Golf Course User), Ashleigh Hairston (Barnes and Noble Employee) and Bennie Arthur (Saucey/MeUndies Underwear Alcohol Delivery Man)

Directed by Kristina Adelmeyer