The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, October 19, 2014!

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, OCTOBER 19, 2014

Starring Kipleigh Brown (Anchor), Matthew Harris (Anchor), Tammie Smalls (Pepper Jenkins), Rebecca Stevens (Dr. Nancy Snyderman), Bennie Arthur (Tiny Tim), Paul Straw (Art Historian), Troy Holden (Sears Spokesperson) and Brian Vestal (Porsche Spokesperson)

Directed by Michael Hughes

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending October 19, 2014!

President Obama is appointing Joe Biden’s former chief of staff Ron Klain to head the government’s response to the Ebola crisis. Obama figures that anyone who spent years working for Joe Biden has plenty of experience handling disasters.

NBC’s chief medical correspondent Dr. Nancy Snyderman apologized for violating her Ebola quarantine by going to New Jersey’s Peasant Grill restaurant for some take-out. In her defense, their soup is to die for.

Apple and Facebook will begin paying for female employees to freeze their eggs in an effort to recruit and retain women in the tech industry. If they want to fertilize those eggs, they can simply scrape the sperm from their coworkers’ keyboards.
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The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, October 12, 2014!

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, OCTOBER 12, 2014

Starring Kipleigh Brown (Anchor), Jen Cain (Anchor), Bennie Arthur (Drunk History’s Bennie Arthur), Ryan Pratton (Sean Parker) and Troy Holden (Vaginal Orgasm Researcher)

Directed by Kristina Adelmeyer

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending October 12, 2014!

On Thursday Gwyneth Paltrow hosted a fundraiser for President Obama. Going to Gwyneth Paltrow’s party was a real change of pace for Obama, because for once he wasn’t the most unpopular person in the room.

Amidst growing concerns about Ebola, the CDC has assured the public that Ebola can only be contracted through bodily fluids such as blood, semen, and urine. This came as a relief to everyone in the country except Andy Dick.

A 19-year-old was arrested Monday at O’Hare International Airport after trying to board a plane with intentions to join ISIS. His parents responded by saying, “Kids–they blow up so fast.”
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The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, October 5, 2014!

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, OCTOBER 5, 2014

Starring Kipleigh Brown (Anchor), Lauren Miller (Anchor), Derek Reid (Prince), Adam Campbell-Schmitt (Iraqi TV Executive), Ryan Pratton (Ashton Kutcher), Trian Long Smith (Amanda Bynes’ Arresting Officer), Eileen Mary O’Connell (Woman in the Cubicle Next to You) and Troy Holden (Eddie Weitzberg)

Directed by Adam Campbell-Schmitt

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending October 5, 2014!

The first diagnosed case of Ebola in the United States was confirmed this week in Dallas. The Texas virus is very similar to the one found in Liberia, just with a much bigger belt buckle.

In an interview on “60 Minutes” President Obama admitted he had underestimated the strength of ISIS. So for Obama, defeating ISIS is on par with building a website that works.

The man who broke into the White House last month, Omar Gonzalez, made it much further into the building than originally revealed. It’s the furthest anyone has gotten into the White House who didn’t belong since George W. Bush was elected.
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The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, September 28, 2014!

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 2014

Starring Kipleigh Brown (Anchor), Matthew Harris (Anchor), Derek Reid (Conan the Comedian), John Druska (Dale Decker), Stacy Rumaker (Stacy), Zach Zucker (Keanu Reeves) and Colin Contreary (Ronald Snyder)

Directed by Kristina Adelmeyer

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending September 28, 2014!

On Friday Chelsea Clinton had a girl. And on Saturday so did Bill.

Chris Christie has lost 85 pounds since undergoing a weight loss surgery a year and a half ago. Weight loss has been easy since his surgery closed off some lanes in his esophagus.

As part of his court-ordered community service, Kanye West is teaching a class at Los Angeles Trade Technical College. It is the only time you’ll ever hear the words “Kanye West” and “class” in the same sentence.
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The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, September 21, 2014!

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 2014

Starring Kipleigh Brown (Anchor), Matthew Harris (Anchor), Grasie Mercedes (Danièle Watts), Troy Holden (Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby), Zach Zucker (Netropolitan User), Jen Cain (”Friends” Fan Kathy from Accounting), Mitchel Baldwin (Jimmy Fallon), Bennie Arthur (Wind Turbine Spokesperson) and Paul Straw (Penn Quaker)

Directed by Sean Cowhig

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending September 21, 2014!

A sixth grade girl told President Obama that she was disappointed that he was visiting her classroom because she thought she was going to see Beyonce. The mistake was understandable, because her teacher said they were getting a visit from the most powerful person in the world.

A new survey lists the towns in each state with the highest percentage of immigrants. The survey was conducted by finding the town in each state with the largest Home Depot parking lot.

Microsoft has acquired Mojang, the company that makes Minecraft. Since it’s part of the Microsoft family, Minecraft will now feature way more crashes.
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