Following an outcry, the Susan B. Komen Foundation on Friday quickly reversed a decision to cut off funding for Planned Parenthood,. The Foundation explained the reversal by saying that sometimes you have to go to Plan B.

In Tuesday’s Florida primary, Mitt Romney crushed Newt Gingrich by over 14 points. In response, Newt Gingrich crushed Mitt Romney by sitting on him.

Newt Gingrich says that Brad Pitt should play him in the movies. But only if Danny DeVito is busy.

Mitt Romney told CNN on Wednesday that he is “not concerned about the very poor”. Which is why he’s also not concerned that trying so hard to make more of them.

The Muppets are feuding with the anchors at Fox News. Which marks the first time ever that viewers can see a fight between two sets of puppets.

Taco Bell has been linked to a salmonella outbreak that has occurred in ten states. Taco Bell has also been linked to a diarrhea outbreak that has occurred for the past 30 years.

Tom Brady is trying to find a kidney donor for his former coach. He’s pretty sure he’ll find one, given the success he’s had persuading women to give him their organs.

LMFAO joined Madonna in performing during today’s Super Bowl halftime show. Madonna invited the “Sexy and I Know It” singers to ensure that, no matter what happened, she wouldn’t be the worst musician performing that day.

An episode of “Fear Factor” featuring the contestants drinking donkey semen has been yanked. Which ironically, is the same way they got the donkey semen in the first place.

Katy Perry may release a concert film in 3D. It’ll be called “You Might Poke a Eye Out With Those Things”.

Madonna has cut her daughter Lourdes out of the new movie she directed. All of the other actors in the film were saddened to learn that they were left in.

Justin Bieber will be serving as both host and musical guest later this season on “Saturday Night Live.” Bieber is really excited about hosting “SNL,” and even more excited to be allowed to stay up past midnight.

Zooey Deschanel says that when she was attending college, her “specialness was not appreciated.” But it was diagnosed as mild retardation.

Britney Spears says she wants to be on an episode of “Modern Family”. Producers turned down her request, since the show already has a woman with huge breasts who doesn’t speak English coherently.

R. Kelly has released a new single called “Share My Love.” Kelly hopes the song will go to number one . . . all over an underage girl.

Lana Del Rey’s album is expected to debut on next week’s “Billboard” album chart at number two. Which makes sense, because the album sounds like number two.

During an online chat, Kevin Federline said he would like to do comedy. It came as a surprise to his audience, who thought he already was.

Julianne Hough says making her relationship with Ryan Seacrest work “gets hard.” Which is the first time Ryan Seacrest has found anything in a relationship with a woman getting hard.

In even more Madonna news, the singer has announced that her charity will be building ten schools in Malawi. The schools will teach kids how to seem sophisticated by speaking with fake British accents.

Deen Castronovo, the drummer for Journey, was arrested and charged with four misdemeanors following a domestic dispute. Castronovo gets in so many fights, his fists Don’t Stop Be-leedin’.

Host Steve Jones and judges Nicole Scherzinger and Paula Abdul will not be returning to “The X Factor” for its second season. Viewers were shocked by the news… that “X-Factor” will be returning for a second season.

A 1913 painting by Adolf Hitler sold for over $42,000 in a internet auction. No word yet where Mel Gibson plans to hang it.

Flavor Flav told reporters that his daughter’s arrest this week for assault is all a bad rap. Which is Flavor Flav would know, as he hasn’t had a good rap since 1990.

Starbucks has opened its first store in India. The coffee will help people in India get the caffeine they need for a long day of not eating.

A Pennsylvania middle school is banning Uggs to curb students from hiding cell phones in the top of their boots. Administrators made the decision when they realized it would be too hard to try to ban pockets.

The founder of “Cosmopolitan” magazine has donated $30 million to Columbia and Stanford Universities. Which explains both colleges setting up a PhD program to study 300 Ways to Have Better Sex.

A Portland man was arrested after attacking toy store customers with a plastic light saber. He will be tried for assault and excessive use of the Force.

A Kansas lawmaker wants to make Toto the official state dog. Sadly, no state wants to make Toto the official state band.

And finally, Zalman King, the creator of Showtime’s 1990’s erotic hit “Red Shoe Diaries,” died Friday at age 70. In King’s memory, men now in their thirties will scramble their cable signal and masturbate.

MILLIONAIRE TAX by Andrew Payne

Starring Grasie Mercedes (Donna), Christopher Biewer (Flanders), Kipleigh Brown (Agent Davis), Derek Reid (Agent Michaels) and Gregg Lopez (Coggins)

Directed by Tom Repetto

CRYSTAL CLEAR by Kristina Adelmeyer and Phillip Wilburn

Starring Phillip Wilburn (Billy Crystal), Christopher Biewer (Writer #1), Grasie Mercedes (Writer #2), Jen Cain (Writer #3) andDerek Reid (Writer #4)

Directed by Tom Repetto

VALUES VOTERS by Kristina Adelmeyer

Starring Jen Cain (Nancy), Kipleigh Brown (Ellen), Phillip Wilburn (Gary), Derek Reid (William) and Brian Vestal (Stewart)

Directed by Tom Repetto

MITT’S ROBOT by Gregg Lopez

Starring Gregg Lopez (Mitt Romney), Jen Cain (Ann Romney) and Kipleigh Brown (Rosie)

Directed by Tom Repetto

EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY NOMINATED by David Koll

Starring Gregg Lopez (Steve), Phillip Wilburn (Billy), Jen Cain (Ann) and Brian Vestal (Jeremy)

Directed by Tom Repetto

TS!W 720: ALEX TREBEK by Kat Lenhart

Starring Gregg Lopez (Alex Trebek) and Phillip Wilburn (Phillip)

Directed by Tom Repetto

STATE OF THE SHOW by John McNamee

Starring Derek Reid (Barack Obama), Brian Vestal (Joe Biden), Phillip Wilburn (John Boehner), Grasie Mercedes (Michelle Obama) and Christopher Biewer (Announcer)

Directed by Tom Repetto

COMEDY CENTRAL PRESENTS by Mark Agee and Matt Blitz

Starring Derek Reid (Barack Obama), Christopher Biewer (Heckler), Brian Vestal (Congressman), Grasie Mercedes (Sandman) and Jen Cain (Announcer)

Directed by Tom Repetto

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, JANUARY 29, 2012

Starring Kipleigh Brown (Anchor), Brian Vestal (Anchor), Grasie Mercedes (Wendy Williams), Jen Cain (Joan Rivers), Derek Reid (Tracy Morgan) and Christopher Biewer (NHL Fan)

Directed by Tom Repetto