President Obama said there is “no evidence” that information threatening our national security was leaked during the General Petraeus sex scandal. Petraeus assured the president that the only leaks came from his penis.
Mitt Romney told top donors that Obama beat him because of “very generous gifts” to women and minorities. Romney added that the only gift he gave during the election was to Obama, every time Romney opened his mouth.
President Obama’s campaign manager Jim Messina said he’s going to take it easy and drink red wine for a while. Meanwhile, Mitt Romney’s campaign manager has spent the last two weeks passed out in a vat of Jack Daniels. (more…)
On Tuesday, Mitt Romney lost his bid for the White House. Instead, he’ll go back home to the Really White House.
Fox News spent much of Election Night reporting on voting “irregularities.” “Irregularities” being Fox’s new euphemism for black people.
CIA Director David Petraeus resigned after it was discovered that he had an affair. He resigned not because of the affair, but because he’s the director of the CIA and couldn’t keep it a secret. (more…)