The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, January 24, 2016!

Sarah Palin has blamed President Obama for her son Track’s domestic violence. She then went on to blame Joe Biden for Bristol’s pregnancy.

The Buffalo Bills have hired the NFL’s first female full-time assistant coach, Kathryn Smith. The Bills are proud to finally give women an equal opportunity to know what it’s like to never win a Super Bowl.

This past Wednesday New York City declared it was “David Bowie Day.” It was a nice sentiment until they declared Thursday “Pizza Rat Day.”

The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, January 17, 2016!

On Monday, The White House joined social media app Snapchat. Republicans are enjoying the app because after just 10 seconds, Obama disappears.

Donald Trump has received an endorsement from a white supremacist group. That group – The Republican Party.

Kim Davis attended Tuesday night’s State of the Union address. She wanted to make sure it didn’t involve the union of two men.

The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, January 10, 2016!

A new al-Qaeda recruitment video includes footage of Donald Trump. And among Republican voters, the video is already polling 30 points ahead of Jeb Bush.

Fox News host Andrea Tantaros says she thinks President Obama faked his tears during his speech on gun control. She thinks he faked those tears is because, as a Fox News host, she can’t comprehend what it’s like to have an actual human emotion.

During a campaign appearance Thursday at a middle school in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Ben Carson asked the children to point out the dumbest kid in their class. Carson then hired the kid as his new campaign manager.

The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, December 6, 2015!

At the Paris climate change summit Monday, President Obama ran over his allotted speaking time and ignored signals to wrap things up. As a result, he was banned from doing the summit’s open mic.

Carly Fiorina denounced criticism of her statements about Planned Parenthood as, quote, ″typical left-wing tactics″. Specifically, the left-wing tactic of, quote, ″using actual facts″.

Jeb Bush told a group of Iowa voters Tuesday that they were “looking at the Republican nominee in 2016″. At the time, he was showing them a picture of Marco Rubio.

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending August 30, 2015!

Marco Rubio said in an interview Wednesday that even though he’s a first-term senator in his 40’s who’s running for president, he’s not like Barack Obama. For one thing, Barack Obama actually had a chance to win.

A Donald Trump fan yelled out “White Power” during a political rally in Mobile, Alabama. Commented another rally goer: “Redundant!”

George Zimmerman tweeted that he thinks President Obama is a racist. In other words, Zimmerman is a fan.

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending August 2, 2015!

During a speech on Tuesday, President Obama said that he’s looking forward to life after his presidency. Though he will miss all that golf.

Donald Trump said if he’s elected he’d love to have Sarah Palin in his cabinet. However, Trump said he’d only do so if it was first approved by Vice-President Dennis Rodman.

Walter Palmer, the dentist who killed Cecil the Lion in Zimbabwe, Africa has apologized. However, he still hasn’t apologized for the dentist office playing nothing but Kenny G.

The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, July 19, 2015!

President Obama said on Wednesday that there isn’t a way to revoke Bill Cosby’s Presidential Medal of Freedom. However, they can still drug Cosby and take away the medal in his sleep.

Mexican druglord Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman’s escape from prison was caught on surveillance video. If you haven’t seen footage of the prison escape, you can catch it every day for the rest of your life on TNT.

George H.W. Bush is recovering after falling and breaking a bone in his neck. However, the biggest pains in his neck are still his sons.

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending June 28, 2015!

The Supreme Court ruled on Friday that gay marriage is legal in the United States. However, still no word on when it will be legal for straight people to get gay married.

While discussing racism on Marc Maron’s podcast, President Obama used the N-word. It marked the first time Tea Partiers liked something said by Obama.

According to a new poll about presidential candidates, 55 percent of Republican voters won’t support Chris Christie. Also not supporting Christie: 100 percent of Republican chairs.

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending May 24, 2015!

After six years in office, President Obama finally got his own Twitter account. Obama said he’d love to follow each and every American, but that’s the NSA’s job.

Brian Williams has pulled out of hosting an awards show for military veterans. According to Brian Williams, he already hosted the event two years ago.

The Los Angeles City Council voted to raise the city’s minimum wage to $15 an hour. So now typical L.A. residents can finally afford all those those dogs they rescued!

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending May 3, 2015!!

On Saturday Floyd Mayweather beat Manny Pacquiao in a boxing match billed as “The Fight of the Century”. Also on Saturday, all of your friends pretended to actually be interested in boxing.

Bernie Sanders, the socialist senator from Vermont, is running for President. Experts say his chances aren’t good, because America has never elected two socialist presidents in a row.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced this week that the league plans to end its tax-exempt status. But Goodell added that there are no plans to end the NFL’s punishment-for-domestic-violence-exempt status.