Speaker of the House John Boehner shocked Washington Friday by announcing that he was resigning. Boehner plans to spend more time crying with his family.
Prior to announcing his resignation, John Boehner cried while Pope Francis spoke before Congress. Witnesses said it was a little weird that the Pope was using his time at Congress to summarize the first five minute of the movie “Up”.
Donald Trump said he wouldn’t appear on Fox News anymore. Not surprisingly, he now wants to appear on a younger, hotter network.
While campaigning in Iowa Monday, Marco Rubio threw a football and hit a four-year-old boy on the forehead. It’s the first time Marco Rubio has connected with anyone on the campaign trail.
A teenager who goes by the name Deez Nuts is running for president. His running mate: Heywood Jablome.
NBCUniversal is investing 200 million dollars in BuzzFeed. What happens next will disappoint you!
On Thursday NASA announced that it had discovered a planet described as “Earth’s bigger, older cousin.” Which explains why Earth’s mom keeps nagging Earth about when he’s going to become a doctor.
During a campaign rally, Donald Trump gave out Lindsey Graham’s personal cell phone number. Fortunately for Graham, no one was able to get through because he has Sprint.
Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert are divorcing. Which is sad news for country music fans, but great news for Adam Levine.
A new book shares the secrets of White House butlers. Among the scandals in the book: Bill Clinton’s affair, JFK’s skinny-dipping parties, and the time Michelle Obama ate a McRib.
NASA’s chief scientist says there will be “definite evidence” of alien life within 20 to 30 years. In response, Republicans announced plans for a space fence.
“Rolling Stone” has retracted its story about an alleged rape by a fraternity at the University of Virginia. But “Rolling Stone” still stands by the positive review they gave to Limp Bizkit’s first album.
On Friday Chelsea Clinton had a girl. And on Saturday so did Bill.
Chris Christie has lost 85 pounds since undergoing a weight loss surgery a year and a half ago. Weight loss has been easy since his surgery closed off some lanes in his esophagus.
As part of his court-ordered community service, Kanye West is teaching a class at Los Angeles Trade Technical College. It is the only time you’ll ever hear the words “Kanye West” and “class” in the same sentence.
THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, JUNE 22, 2014
Starring Kipleigh Brown (Anchor), Rebecca Stevens (Anchor), Mitchel Baldwin (Jimmy Fallon), Ashleigh Hairston (Florida Resident), Jimmy Guidish (Bill Clinton), Derek Reid (Star Wars Nerd), Evan Boelsen (Elton John) and John Abbott (Alabama Judge)
Directed by Sean Cowhig
The United States announced they’ve captured the mastermind of the 2012 attack in Benghazi. However, Fox News said the report is false, because they did not arrest Hillary Clinton.
Mitt Romney is being urged to run for President in 2016 by some Republicans. And he’s being urged even harder to run by lots and lots of Democrats.
Florida Governor Rick Scott signed a law allowing limited use of medical marijuana. Florida residents are very upset about the law, because they think that instead the state should have legalized medical crystal meth.
HILLARY’S BOOK SIGNING by Atul Singh
Starring Stacy Rumaker (Hillary Clinton), Paul Straw (Gerald), Mitchel Baldwin (Jeff), Matt Blitz (Travis) and Phillip Wilburn (Bill Clinton)
Directed by Kristina Adelmeyer
THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, MAY 18, 2014
Starring Matthew Harris (Anchor), Kipleigh Brown (Anchor), Artemis Pebdani (Cosmo Cahuenga), Bennie Arthur (Los Angeles Hipster), Justin Uretz (Bill Clinton), Sean Cowhig (Seller of Jay Z/Solange Elevator Fight Tape) and Tommy Bechtold (Palm Beach High School Student)
Directed by Adam Campbell-Schmitt
Michael Sam made history by being the first openly gay player drafted into the NFL. So kudos to the NFL for being more progressive than the Boy Scouts.
Los Angeles had a record heat wave this past week. It was so hot, hipsters only wore one ironic cardigan.
Karl Rove is suggesting that Hillary Clinton suffered a “traumatic brain injury” after a fall in 2012. Although if there’s one thing that Karl Rove should know after working for George W. Bush, it’s that someone can still be President without having a fully functional brain.