The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, December 20, 2015!

NBC News did a fact check of statements made during Tuesday’s Republican debate. NBC rated the statements on a scale from “true” to “Brian Williams”.

Martin Shkreli, the pharmaceutical CEO who raised the price of an AIDS drug by 5,000%, was arrested Thursday on charges of fraud. He could face one year in jail . . . but the judge may bump that up to 5,000 years.

NBA ref Bill Kennedy has come out as gay. He said he first realized he was gay when he was told so by thousands and thousands of angry fans.

The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, October 4, 2015!

Donald Trump said on “Meet the Press” that America’s mass shootings are the result of mental illness. Just like Trump’s lead in the race for the Republican nomination.

Jeb Bush commented on the campus shooting in Oregon by saying that, quote, “stuff happens”. And by “stuff”, Trump meant “saying something so stupid it completely eliminates any chance you had of being elected president”.

Donald Trump cancelled a rally scheduled for Friday in Virginia Beach due to Hurricane Joaquin. But Trump claimed he had a plan to stop the hurricane by building a giant wall.

The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, September 27, 2015!

Speaker of the House John Boehner shocked Washington Friday by announcing that he was resigning. Boehner plans to spend more time crying with his family.

Prior to announcing his resignation, John Boehner cried while Pope Francis spoke before Congress. Witnesses said it was a little weird that the Pope was using his time at Congress to summarize the first five minute of the movie “Up”.

Donald Trump said he wouldn’t appear on Fox News anymore. Not surprisingly, he now wants to appear on a younger, hotter network.

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending August 16, 2015!

Donald Trump will report for jury duty tomorrow in New York City. So good luck getting out of that parking ticket, Megyn Kelly.

Los Angeles is the frontrunner to host the 2024 Summer Olympics. If chosen, athletes will compete to win a bronze, silver, or kale medal.

A new discovery reveals that William Shakespeare may have enjoyed smoking marijuana. Which explains his unpublished play, Much Ado About Rastafari. (more…)

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending June 21, 2015!

Jeb Bush announced Monday that he’s running for president, saying that he knows how to fix the country. And if he’s anything like his brother, he knows even better how to break it.

In his statement on climate change, Pope Francis said that the earth “is beginning to look more and more like an immense pile of filth.” “Way ahead of you” replied New Jersey.

North Korea claims that it has found a cure for Ebola, SARS and AIDS. That cure: dying of starvation.


The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending May 24, 2015!

After six years in office, President Obama finally got his own Twitter account. Obama said he’d love to follow each and every American, but that’s the NSA’s job.

Brian Williams has pulled out of hosting an awards show for military veterans. According to Brian Williams, he already hosted the event two years ago.

The Los Angeles City Council voted to raise the city’s minimum wage to $15 an hour. So now typical L.A. residents can finally afford all those those dogs they rescued!

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending May 10, 2015!

The field of Republican presidential candidates widened this week with announcements by Carly Fiorina and Dr. Ben Carson that they are running. Or, as Republican voters will call them, “the woman” and “the black guy”

On Wednesday, Pope Francis met the Harlem Globetrotters. The Globetrotters weren’t nervous, though, since they’re used to going one-on-one with someone who’s never scored.

Floyd Mayweather is being sued for defamation by his ex-girlfriend Shantel Jackson. Mayweather is expected to win the case, but in the most boring and disappointing way possible.

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending April 19, 2015!

On Monday, Florida Senator Marco Rubio announced his candidacy for the Republican presidential nomination. Or as his campaign posters will call him, The One That’s NOT Ted Cruz.

In an attempt to distance himself from his brother, Jeb Bush said in a speech that ″I’m my own person″. He added that if he becomes president, he’ll find his own unique way to completely screw over the country.

Former New England Patriot Aaron Hernandez was found guilty of murder. As a result, the NFL is considering the possibility of maybe suspending him.

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending March 29, 2015!

On Monday, Republican Senator Ted Cruz became the first major candidate to announce his bid for the Presidency in 2016. The news is exciting for Republicans, and even more exciting for Democrats.

Apple CEO Tim Cook announced plans to give all his money away to charity. The charity is called The Fund For People Who Can’t Afford An iPhone.

A man in New York says he lost his job at the Home Depot because he has an “ISIS” tattoo that he got for a girlfriend named Isis. Home Depot says they let him go not because of the terrorist group, but because he’s stupid enough to believe in true love.

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending March 15, 2015!

A jury ruled that Pharrell Williams and Robin Thicke will have to pay $7.4 million for stealing music from Marvin Gaye. In related news, white musicians now owe black musicians 300 kajillion dollars.

A new poll says Fox News is the nation’s most trusted news network. Though to be fair, these results were reported by Fox News.

On Monday, Apple CEO Tim Cook unveiled the new Apple watch. Apple customers will love the feature where the Apple watch will let them know how long it’s been since they’ve checked their iPhone.