The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, June 7, 2015!!!

Jeb Bush told Fox News that when it comes to the 2016 presidential race, he wants to be the guy to beat. And if the polls are right, he’ll get his wish.

An undercover operation has revealed that TSA agents failed to detect fake bombs and weapons 95 percent of the time. Though they did have a 100 percent success rate in finding travelers’ genitals.

John Kerry broke his leg last Sunday while bicycling in France. Secretary Kerry would have been hurt much worse if his fall had not been broken by his enormous face.
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The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending May 24, 2015!

After six years in office, President Obama finally got his own Twitter account. Obama said he’d love to follow each and every American, but that’s the NSA’s job.

Brian Williams has pulled out of hosting an awards show for military veterans. According to Brian Williams, he already hosted the event two years ago.

The Los Angeles City Council voted to raise the city’s minimum wage to $15 an hour. So now typical L.A. residents can finally afford all those those dogs they rescued!
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The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending May 17, 2015!

Key ISIS commander, Abu Sayyaf, was killed this Friday by the US Army’s Delta Force Troops. Director Kathryn Bigelow has already cleared a space on her shelf for her next Oscar.

The NFL is suspending Tom Brady four games for his role in “Deflate-Gate”. Unlike domestic violence and murders, the NFL has a zero-tolerance policy on removing air from footballs.

A new poll shows a sharp rise in the number of Americans who no longer have a religion. The results are bad news for churches, but at least now Hozier can find parking.

George Zimmerman was injured Monday in a shooting. The suspect is karma.
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The Top Story! Weekly Report For Sunday, February 8, 2015!

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 2015

Starring Mitchel Baldwin (Anchor), Eileen Mary O’Connell (Anchor), Ryan Pratton (Ashton Kutcher), Ross Crain (Bill Belichick), Cassandra Lee Walker (NPR Listener), Matt Harbert (Jack White), Melissa Paul (Teen) and Paul Straw (Sean Killion’s Guard)

Directed by Michael Hughes

The Newest Disney Princess: Princess Measle!

PRINCESS MEASLE by Eileen Mary O’Connell

Starring Matthew Harris (Narrator), Eileen Mary O’Connell (Princess Measle), Mitchel Baldwin (Thermometer), Colin Contreary (Prince), Stacy Rumaker (Evil Queen Jenny McCarthy) and Ryan Pratton (Mirror)

Directed by Michael Hughes

At the State of the Union, President Obama Takes On John Boehner in a Burn Battle!

BURN BATTLE by Brian Rubinow

Starring Matthew Harris (Barack Obama), Phillip Wilburn (John Boehner), Mitchel Baldwin (Joe Biden) and Kipleigh Brown (Ruth Bader Ginsberg)

Directed by Michael Hughes

Triple H Keeps Having to Comfort a Young Fan!

TRIPLE H KEEPS CONSOLING HIS FANS by Brian Rubinow

Starring Paul Straw (Triple H) and Mitchel Baldwin (Fan)

Directed by Michael Hughes

The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, January 25, 2015!

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, JANUARY 25, 2015

Starring Matthew Harris (Anchor), Kipleigh Brown (Anchor), Ryan Pratton (Ashton Kutcher), Paul Straw (Stoner Losing Weight), Colin Contreary (Rebecca Black’s Manager), Stacy Rumaker (Zooey Deschanel), Mitchel Baldwin (Donnie Wahlberg) and John Druska (MASH-Loving Dad)

Directed by Michael Hughes

Porn Star Mia Khalifa Has To Hide Out from Extremists In Her Apartment!

WE MUST PROTECT OUR PORN STARS by Paul Straw

Starring Jen Cain (Mia Khalifa), Stacy Rumaker (Agent Laurie), Leo Margul (Agent Steve), James Warfield (Pizza Guy), Mitchel Baldwin (Plumber) and Ryan Pratton (Tim)

Directed by Paul Straw

Now That He’s a Hall of Famer, Randy Johnson Expects Discounts Everywhere!

FREE AS A BIRD by Kat Lenhart

Starring Ryan Pratton (Randy Johnson), Lauren Miller (Denny’s Waitress), Jen Cain (Vendor), Brent Pope (Baseball Hall of Fame Ticketer), Mitchel Baldwin (Kid), Stacy Rumaker (Mother) and Leo Margul (Feathers Wrangler)

Directed by Paul Straw