The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending January 25, 2015!

While speaking at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, Bill Gates said he believe that an HIV vaccine will be available by 2030. Which means that kids in 2090 can look forward to getting infected by the disease at Disneyland.

On Thursday, SkyMall magazine filed for bankruptcy. They made the decision after consulting with their legal team, a bunch of meercat lawn ornaments.

In a new poll, most New Jersey residents said they don’t think Chris Christie would be a good president. In response, Christie said those pollsters are going to eat their words…and if there are any left over, he wants some too.
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The Top Story! Weekly Report for Sunday, January 18, 2015!

THE TOP STORY! WEEKLY REPORT FOR SUNDAY, JANUARY 18, 2015

Starring Matthew Harris (Anchor), Kipleigh Brown (Anchor), Derek Reid (Conan the Comedian), Ashleigh Hairston (University of Pikeville Spokesperson), Colin Contreary (Brian Williams), Troy Holden (Harold Diamond) and Cassandra Lee Walker (Arby’s Spokesperson)

Directed by Sean Cowhig

The Top Story! Weekly Report for the Week Ending January 18, 2015!

Mitt Romney is gearing up to run for president again in 2016 and reportedly wants to make poverty a central theme of his campaign. In fact, Romney has already launched an exploratory committee to find out what poverty is.

Two anti-torture protestors were arrested last weekend for trespassing at the home of former Vice President Dick Cheney. Fortunately for the protestors, they were interrogated by the police instead of Dick Cheney.

At least 26 people have caught measles after visiting Disney theme parks in December. The people are expected to recover in a week, or in a day if they have a Fast Pass.
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Porn Star Mia Khalifa Has To Hide Out from Extremists In Her Apartment!

WE MUST PROTECT OUR PORN STARS by Paul Straw

Starring Jen Cain (Mia Khalifa), Stacy Rumaker (Agent Laurie), Leo Margul (Agent Steve), James Warfield (Pizza Guy), Mitchel Baldwin (Plumber) and Ryan Pratton (Tim)

Directed by Paul Straw

After the Attacks in Paris, Comic Strips Tone Themselves Down!

UNFUNNY FUNNIES by Lauren Scharf

Starring Phillip Wilburn (Dilbert’s Boss), Jen Cain (Lucy), James Warfield (Beetle Bailey), Leo Margul (Calvin) and Brian Vestal (Bil Keane)

Directed by Paul Straw

Now That He’s a Hall of Famer, Randy Johnson Expects Discounts Everywhere!

FREE AS A BIRD by Kat Lenhart

Starring Ryan Pratton (Randy Johnson), Lauren Miller (Denny’s Waitress), Jen Cain (Vendor), Brent Pope (Baseball Hall of Fame Ticketer), Mitchel Baldwin (Kid), Stacy Rumaker (Mother) and Leo Margul (Feathers Wrangler)

Directed by Paul Straw

Historians Discover the True Contents of the Paul Revere/Samuel Adams Time Capsule!

PAUL REVERE’S TIME CAPSULE by Randall Davis & Kelsey Klemme

Starring Brian Vestal (Male Historian) and Lauren Miller (Female Historian)

Directed by Paul Straw

The World’s Biggest Benji Madden Fans Grieve His Marriage To Cameron Diaz!

BENJI MADDEN GOT MARRIED by Jessica Guerra

Starring Jen Cain (Nicki), Lauren Miller (Margo), Stacy Rumaker (Lynn), James Warfield (Waiter #1) and Phillip Wilburn (Waiter #2)

Directed by Paul Straw

Kim Jong Un Has a Birthday Party!

BIRTHDAY OF THE GLORIOUS LEADER by Ray Stakenas

Starring Brent Pope (Kim Jong Un), Phillip Wilburn (Advisor), Leo Margul (Fake Seth Rogen), Lauren Miller (Fake Miley Cyrus), Brian Vestal (Fake Barack Obama) and Jen Cain (Tara Reid)

Directed by Paul Straw

An Office Worker Is A Little Too Excited About the People’s Choice Awards!

PEOPLE’S CHOICE AWARDS by Atul Singh

Starring Brent Pope (Jake), Stacy Rumaker (Frances), Mitchel Baldwin (Alex) and Ryan Pratton (Tom)

Directed by Paul Straw